Gorilla Glue......

LOL....it's always somethin'..especially when mom's "alone". 

You know that gorilla glue that's super strong an' will glue anythin'? 

Well, here's some tips...
.
1.  If you get it all over your hand because, well, you're like mom...no real other explanation needed...first off..don't pet me or Lexie or any other 'dale.....'cause your hand will kinda resemble us.

2.   Don't pick up any paper, you'll be peelin' that stuff off till doomsday. 

3.  Try to keep your fingers apart, or they kinda hurt, even if they are furry (because you ignored #1) when you try to pull 'em apart. 

What to do....To save you time, these things don't work, so don't try these 'cause your hand is just gettin' even more sticky as it dries.....
dish detergent
hairspray, 
nail polish remover, 
alcohol, 
goo gone, 
orange goop, 
toothpaste (why? I dunno, but it don't work),
all purpose cleaner, 
spot remover, 
Deep Eddie's grapefruit vodka (didn't work, but made mom feel better after taking a swig or two), 
an' clothes detergent.

 All the while, have someone like me shadowin' you, just to witness what crazy thing you're gonna do next. Finally, as a last resort (the other being to just let your hand dry w/the fingers separated & know eventually it'll wear off).....say, "the heck w/it" an' get out one of them lil' soapy steel wool pads and scrub your hand like it's never been scrubbed before......voila! To quote mom...it's glue/hair free and as smooth as a baby's bottom.

Oh, an' next time you see me, don't pay any attention to the hand shaped bald spot on my back..just kidding, but it coulda' happened....hope I've made your life a lil' easier 
smile emoticon

Mom did not wet her pants......

Ahem.....is this thing on?....<clearin' my throat an' gettin' my prepared public statement ready that mom's makin' me do, I dunno why, it should be obvious....but she's givn' me that "just do it" loo.  So, here goes...>

To whom it may concern or interest, mom did NOT wet her pants.  I wiped my beard on 'em after gettin' a drink from her sink.  
Thank you...an' I hope this claifies everythin'.

<gettin' down from thepodium..mutterin'?   I don't see what the big deal is.  It's not like I wear a shirt an' can wipe my beard off on my sleeve.  She was there an'...well, can I help it if her crotch is nose/beard level an' those pants show every single lil' damp spot?  They'll dry an' it was clean water.  Geez...she oughta' wear it proudly like a badge...kinda like a love sign.  :)

The Fugitive

AHS Report.....While out w/mom checkin' her greenhouse, Lexie an' I were brought up short by the sounds of lots of sirens comin' into our neighborhood an' then stoppin'.  Now, we hear sirens all the time 'cause we're close to a highway an' a busy road that intersects it, but we knew somethin' was up when they seemed to have stopped right at the corner, just a few houses down.  Lexie an' I made a beeline to our side fence, by the big field.  Then there was shoutin', we were at that side gate ready to jump into action.  Seems the police was after some guys (mom referred to them as "wanna be" gangsters).  It took four police cars to get 'em to stop.  Then one of 'em jumped outa the car an' startin' runnin' thru the field toward  our fence.  (I was hopin' he'd tried to jump in our yard...I really was).  Before he made it (he wasn't very fast...he probably coulda made it if he was about 50lbs lighter an' had his pants pulled up), one of them policemen tackled him.  Have to admit, Lexie an' I were disappointed he didn't make to our yard...we mighta gotten a medal or somethin'.  After he got escorted back to where the rest of his "friends" were...all 5 of em' were wearin' bracelets an' taken off to that greybar hotel, an' all the excitement was over.   But Lexie an' I were still walkin' tall as we escorted mom back to the house....like they say..."intent" is everythin'.  An' we sure intended on gettin' that fugitive from the law.  Another "job well done' in the AHS log, as far as I'm concerned.