Friday, December 4, 2015

Paybacks are a ........

Payback are...well...ya know......but I think mom took it to another level. I've had a limp for a several days, now. Off an' couldn't decide if it was my toe, foot, "wrist", elbow or' I haven't been talkin'. She's had me down proddin' an' pokin'...checkin' my pads, pullin' my toes n' nails, mashin' on my foot...feelin' up my leg an' shoulder....Dr Mom was stymied. Her conclusion was to limit my stair access an' roughhousin'.

With the cool weather, I have to confess I may have been actin' a lil' nutty...runnin' amuck, wrastlin' w/Lexie...then there's all the delivery men that have been in the neighborhood all week causin' me to be boundin' up an down the stairs. So, there is the possibility that I may have pulled, strained, twisted, or sprained somthin'....ya know...the usual 'dale "sports'" injury.

Mom's already grounded me (no tower access), since she first saw me limpin'. She thought I was gettin' better, 'cause I wasn't limpin' hardly at all....but has been suspicious that I was pushin' through it to do what I wanted & just plain ignorin' it. Yesterday, I hardly limped at all.

This mornin'....I was walkin' around like a three legged dog...I wouldn't put my paw down. That did it! She called my vet. I thought I was gonna get outa it, since they didn't have an openin' till next Tuesday, but they called an' said they had a cancellation if we could come right then.

Before I knew it...road trip! Woohoo...just me an' her...we didn't even tell Lexie. She was out watchin' squirrels. We just left. Our 15 minute trip turned into almost 30 'cause of a huge wreck that involved an ambulance an' a big dumpster full of concrete. We had to take all these weird backroads, take right turns an' do "U" turns 'cause traffic was backed up for miles to turn left (mom's a crafty driver, too)..but we made it in time for my appointment.

You know I love's my original fan base. I love to strut my stuff around that place. Even to see the vet, I like to...well, be me! Now, this is where mom got her nose outa joint. I wasn't limpin'. The vet couldn't find anythin' wrong w/ fact he an' his assistant (she's cute an' I really like her) took me for a walk around the' the vet came back an' told mom that I have a "perfect gait" (of course I do)' no limp.

Mom was almost' before she could stop herself, she told my vet, "he's lying to you". While the vet an' his assistant laughed at mom...she tried to explain that I (bein' an airedale) have a high pain threshold an' I'm showin' off an' ignorin' any pain I have in that leg or foot.

The vet to humor mom....did all the pokin' an proddin' that she has already done....then he said w/out'd be hard to pinpoint the could be arthritis (Dr Mom doesn't think started too abruptly)....or it's a strain to the foot, elbow or shoulder.

Mom just kinda looked at him...then asked the obvious question of what his plan of action for any of those....antiinflammatories an' rest? He looked at' was startin' to clue in on her mood an' carefully answered in the' wrote a the meantime, I was flirtin' w/the assistant.

As we left (I strutted) called me a liar, again, then of all things...she marched me over to the groomin' shop an' told 'em to cut my' as a partin' shot to me..."since you don't have anythin' wrong w/you". Then she left me there. I was ok w/that....I like them cute girls there, too...I coulda' done w/out the nail clippin' though. Mom said it was payback for my "act" in the clinic.....

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Just doin' my Job, ma'm get her undies in a bunch over the lil'ist things. I was just doin' my job. Lexie an' I noticed that a wasp had gotten into the house last nite....we lost track of it when he hid in the ceiling fan. Well, I didn't forget about it this mornin', an' was keepin' an eye out for him to surface. Sure 'nuff....he came flyin' out in the livin' room. I followed him till he got within'' "BAM!!!" I smashed him against the big glass window on the backdoor w/my paw. Hit him hard enough that he fell to the floor, where I proceeded to carefully snap at him till he was no longer a danger to anyone. (I hate wasps an' bees).  

Anyway, I haven't seen mom move that fast in the mornin' in a long time. That window isn't even' I eliminated a serious threat in the house.......don't see what the big deal was. Maybe she was just outa coffee....after she picked up my flat wasp, she did fix herself another' gave me biscuit.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Black Friday

Can you just imagine the thoughts goin' thru my head when I saw mom traipsin' across the street down to some stanger's house where there was a crowd?  They had stuff all over their driveway havin' somekind of sale, an' peoples were drivin' up an' parkin' all up an' down my street.  I sure as heck hadn't cleared any of' there was mom....all by herself ...goin' over there.  Oh...I hollar'd at her to come back here (sound familiar?),but she ignored me an' kept on traipsin'...Lexie even added her two cents from the front ignored her, too.

I was on high alert...standin' up on my big bed in my tower...strainin' to keep an eye on her....worried about how I was gonna save her if somebody did somethin'....whew...was I relieved when she started back towards the house.    I even had to hollar at her that I was gonna be right at the front door an' for her to not come straight home.   Just in case somebody tried to follow her, Lexie an' I both let out warnin' let 'em know that was our mom an' they better not try anythin'...   (Personally, I think Lexie was just mad, 'cause she thought mom went on a walk w/out her).

Anyway, mom made it back home safely, an' she was carryin' some kind of big iron deer candle holder thingee...she proudly exclaimed she had done her Black Friday shoppin'....she got that an' a big mirrored lighted curio cabinet for the grand total of $22.   I gave that candle holder a few sniff...still not sure if it was worth all the aggravation I went through.   She didn't bring the cabinet home...she planned on surprisin' dad about that when he got home so he could go get it.  "

Then feelin' good about her bargains...she did venture out to Petsmart an' got us new beds an' a bunch of treats all half price.  (We're not s'posed to know about the treat, 'cause we watched her hide 'em in the closet, lol)  She said there wasn't any crowd or traffic (& it wasn't at the crack of dawn), she's not sure that really qualified as Black Friday shopping.....the garage sale had a bigger crowd.   But she did say if it did qualify...then it was worth it..'cause it was for' since we've always got her back...even when she goes off on her own w/out our permission....she's willing to brave the maddenin' nutty crowds on Black Friday.

Saturday, November 21, 2015


Well dad came home from work, after stoppin' at the grocery store for mom on his way home.   I always like to check out stuff from the store...especially if it has to do w/anything in the never know when they're lookin' to get rid of a bit of this or that as they load it up w/new stuff.

Anyway, I was just sittin' there in the doorway, observin' dad as he was puttin' the eggs in there.   All of a sudden...PLOP!....yep, he dropped one on the floor an' it went splat.  There was no puttin' that one back together.   He looked at me...I looked at him then back at that splatted egg..then at mom.....I didn't move, I wasn't movin'' above all..I didn't do it...I looked at dad.  

Then he started pickin' up the big pieces of' I'm still just observin'.   He pointed to that splatted egg an' asked me if I wanted it.....

ME EAT OFF THE FLOOR?  Is he crazy?    Guess he forgot who he was talkin' to.  About then, Lexie came into the kitchen to see what was what.  She figured out right away what was goin' on, an' was on that egg splat like white on rice.   Within' seconds, it looked like mom had mopped. Clean as a whistle....I tell you, I defy any forensic expert to find anything after Lexie's through w/cleanin' it.
Mom gave me some cheese.....she knows me...I have a little more discerning palate then Lexie well as' we know what kind she's got.

Again....Me, eat an' lick off the floor?.....phffffttttt

Friday, November 6, 2015

Dark an' Foggy Nite........

It was a dark an' stormy nite....not exactly, it was more like a dark an' foggy nite where everythin' gets really still.

Dad worked late an' when he came home, I greeted him like usual....but no Lexie.   She was out back doin' somethin'.   He went an' changed into his loungin' jammies from his work clothes.   When he came back into the livin' room, mom asked him where Lexie was.  It's super unusual for her not to greet dad when he comes home late.  She usually beats me to him, an' we usualy have a lil' scufflin' goin' on to see who can get to him first.

Mom's alarm bell in her head went off....she went to the back door an' started whistlin' an' callin' Lexie.   Dad even tried....but there was nada...nothin' Lexie.

Mom grabs her big lite an' tells me to "find Lexie".  We both head outside.  Dad only goes to the patio 'cause he's barefooted  & in his jammies (he dont' have the nite time jammie experience that mom does).  I race ahead to check our our favorite corner, mom follows a lil' slower.  She's walkin' w/all that foggy stuff swirlin' around her feet an' shinin' her lite in a big circle.   Dad calls out to mom askin' if she sees her.  Mom says "no"...then dad goes back an' gets mom crocky shoes, she keeps by the back door,  an' comes out to help look.

By then mom's made it past the big grapefruit tree an' is shinin' her lite across the back.  It's pretty foggy, but it's mostly layin' in a mistly like layer over the ground.  Her alarm bells have now turned into a lil' panic.....a true code 10.   All kinds of scenarios are goin' thru her head.....Lexie layin' hurt (have no idea how that could happen),  a giant hole in the fence (only if someone sawed a big hole in it, an' I'm sure one of us woulda' made some noise about that), Lexie floatin' in her pond (as's reachin' for straws here)...or someone took her (again, as if....there's no way someone could even get in our yard much less grab one of us).   It was just too' no Lexie.   I hadn't found her either, but I did find a mouse in dad's tractor.  Mom said that wasn't helpin'.

All of a sudden outa the misty fog, there's Lexie.....w/a huge possum in her mouth.  She's got her head held way back an' that thing was still draggin' the ground.  Mom calls' then of all things (it was outa her mouth before she could take it back) tells Lexie to, "bring it".   Bein' fresh from her successful quail huntin' experience, Lexie did just that.  Mom's goin', "" as Lexie heads straight for mom w/this huge critter.  I don't think' mom's eyes have ever gotten that big before.   It was like time stood still, as mom's mind scurried to figure out how to touch/not touch that possum since Lexie was "bringin'" it to mom as she told her to.

There was Lexie right there in front of mom w/her possum...waggin' her tail for catchin' it an' bringin' it to mom.  She was just so proud of herself.  Mom was still in the "what to do mode"...finally, she told Lexie how proud she was of her an' to "leave it".  Lexie was still holdin' it waitin' for mom to take it or to at least pet her for doin' a great job.  Mom didnt' want to take it, an' she was a lil' hesitant to pet Lexie since that thing was "right there".   Me an' dad were just hangin' back watchin' the show.

Mom, graspin' at straws again, told Lexie how good she was an' to go in the kitchen for a cookie.  Lexie liked that' immediately headed for the house....w/the possum still in her mouth.'s goin'..."noooo nooo nooo...." an' is on her heels.  Hopin' against hope that she wasn't gonna find Lexie an' the possum in her kitchen.  (Lexie does like to negotiate w/trade).

Whew!   As mom, me an' dad got to the house, there was Lexie sittin' on the patio waitin'...w/her possum layin' there on the ground.  You coulda felt the relief from' then the shudderin' "yuck" at the site of that critter & his  teeth. Just the thought of it layin' on her kitchen floor like it was layin' there still gives her chills.

Lexie wasn't happy when mom grabbed her collar an' took her in the house.  She wanted to stay out there w/that possum.   Mom made sure that she made a big deal about how good Lexie was an' rewarded her w/a big bacon chew.  Dad got a shovel, & I helped by escortin' him across the back to dispose of the possum.   I was ready if it tried to bail (that's happened to mom, before).  No one was sure if it was playin' possum or' no one was willin' to examine it, either.  Lexie's never gotten one this big before, so it was a 50/50 deal.  

When we got back to the house, mom opened the doggy door an' Lexie zoomed outside.  Lexie an' I did a thorough seach of the yard to make sure it was critter free, then went back to the house to find mom an' dad sittin' on the couch countin' their blessin's.   Lexie was safe.  She remembered not to take critters in the house.   Mom didn't have to touch it.   An' I didn't catch the mouse to add anymore excitement.

Once again...alls well that ends well........


Saturday, October 24, 2015

The Pill Dance

I shoulda known! Didn't even think about it, but got caught up in the moment when mom was cleanin' out the fridge w/all kinds of scrumptious leftovers...chiken, biscuits, tators & gravy...even a bit of sausage. Talk about a score! Lexie an' I cleaned up. Then.....that's when it went downhill!
Mom gave Lexie a chunk of cheese...of course Lexie scarfed it down an' wanted more. Mom gave her another lil' chunk. Then Mom offered it to me....nope! Not gonna fall for' before I knew it, dad had me. It was that dang pill again. I can't believe I fell for it. I clamped my mouth shut, dad was straddlin' me, mom gave dad my pill, an' dad finally managed to get my mouth open an' jam that pill down my throat. I slammed my mouth shut. We all kinda relaxed. Dad said, "that's was easy". Then I spit that pill right out!
I clamped my mouth shut, wrastled em to get it poked lil' bits of cheese in my mouth (are you aware that we can nibble w/our front teeth w/out actually openin' our mouths? We can!). Finally, dad got my mouth open stuck her arm down my mouth an' put that pill wayyyyy back in my throat. I shut my mouth....looked at 'em both...then calmly coughed up that dang pill again. Lexie was sittin' there watchin' an' hopin' I'd cough up some cheese..but that wasn't gonna happen.

At this point in time....we was all just starin' at one could hear all the wheels turnin' in our heads.....Mom an' I were havin' a stare' she told me that if she had her druthers...she wouldn't ever give me that pill...but it was for my own good. Dad got my mouth open (a lot easier, since I'd decided I'd made my point), an' mom put that pill back down my throat. I swallowed it...then mom gave me a huge piece of' a lil' piece for Lexie, since she was in support status (for who I'm not sure).
After I ate my cheese, mom was on the couch...I got up there an' gave her a kiss an' settled down by her. I don't hold a grudge for what happened....after all it's a dance we go thru every 4-6's nothin' new. There's very few things mom an' I disagree on...this is one of '' it wouldn't do for me to just give in to her. I feel it's important to assert yourself from time to time...just as a reminder of who's really in charge. When you're's all about compromise.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Mop Brat

I was stunned!  Stunned, I tell you!  There I was just loungin' up in my tower...watchin' the people goin' off to work in the neighborhood.   I was waitin' on that gang of thieves that make their way around in that big truck stealin' everybody's bags of stuff.   Then...all of a sudden, some lil' mop haired dog comes strollin' down the middle of the street, just as pretty as you please (actually, he was kinda dingy & dirty lookin' as if he had been used to mop up somethin').  I stood up in my big loungin' bed in alert mode.  He came closer an' closer to my house.  All of a sudden, he made a beeline for those bags mom had put out.  I couldn't believe it!  He had his head stuck between those bags with just his tail stickin' out as he checked 'em out. Of course I had to let him have it!   He musta' taken my warnin' as serious, 'cause he decided not to tear into them an' steal somethin'.  But talk about a lil' brat...he turned around an' peed on those bags, then headed down to our neighbors bags to check them out.  All I can say is, he's lucky I'm up here an' he's off down there somewheres.  (But I sure wish I could go down there an' at least erase his markin', it sure irks me that other canines'll think that stuff belong to that mutt).

Monday, October 19, 2015

Not exactly Musical Beds, but close.....

Ok....let me begin by tellin' you that it didn't go quite like I planned, but it worked out.

You see, it's been a lil' cooler, lately, an' Lexie an I have been havin' a lot more rousin' games of biteyface an' chase outside.  Between that an' all the crazy squirrel activity we've actually cut back on our late nite patrols an' started goin' to bed a lil' earlier.  (Mom doesn't believe that's gonna last...not sure why).

Now when I said "goin' to bed"...that was just an expression...not designatin' that we went to "our" beds.  Lexie's been passin' out in dad's chair or on the floor by the back door.  Me?...well, that's where the story begins.

Dad gets up super early, so he goes to bed super early.  He said goodnite to mom as he was retirin' for the nite.  Then he came back out an' told her that I was in his' stretched out on his pillow.  She told him to make me move.  (I can magically make myself weigh as much as a ton of concrete when I want to)

Anyway, he musta tried...'cause when mom came to was in her spot...stretched out on her pillow!   I was still stretched out on his side...on his pillow.   I could actually feel her get that squinty eye' I did hear this "uh uh uh...not gonna work"  accompanied by a click of her camera for evidence to be used in the future.
So, naturally, I did what I need to do....make the best of the situation.   I rolled over an' smiled.   As she got into bed, I snuggled up an' spooned against the back of her legs.
All's well that ends well, I s'pose.....have to admit, though...we had loads more room once dad got up an' went to work....just sayin'.....

Sunday, October 18, 2015

One in Paw is Worth.......

Geeezzz.....first it was a sweet tator chip....<nope, I don't want that...snub>, mom puts it into my food bowl an' I watch Lexie eat it (she's like a garbage disposal...I swear she doesn't have a taste bud in her),

Next it was one of them "dog" treats...<are you kiddin', I didn't like 'em when you opened the package...snub>

Mom just stands there starin' at me...I stare back.....Lexie is hoverin' off to the side liftin' one paw an' the next hopin' she's gonna score  the next thing I snub.....
I know there's waffles, punkin' oreos, an' even dad's poppytarts  (not "farts" people..."tarts").   Then mom gets that squinty eye look....I sigh....but try to keep my composure.....after all you have to learn to pick your battles.  She goes back in that jar an' pulls out another one of them sweet tator chips an' holds it out to me.  I go ahead an' take it (they are pretty good actually w/ the cinnnnnammmonnnn on 'em).  Lexie follows me in case I'm just humori' mom, but I go ahead an' eat it.  After all a sweet tator chip in paw is worth two waffles that are goin' back in the freezer for another day. An' it's always good to boost mom's ego an' morale, that way they think they are actually in

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Subtrefuge...or not......

Dad said he's not talkin' to me.  I certainly don't hold any grudges, even gave him a classic head in the crotch nose poke.  Nada.  Well, ok..then.  I can take a hint, if he wants to sulk, it's not my fault.
I thought we had settled this type of situation long ago.  Don't know why he's all of a sudden actin' like it's somethin' new. Yes, it's true I woke him up early to go outside.  An' he got up an' let me out.  Then I guess he decided to take advantage an' visit the bathroom before goin' back to bed.

This is when it happened.  There was no vacancy in the bed.  he said it was like magic.  I was all stretched out on his side of the bed, w/my head on his pillow.  He coulda swore I was outside.  As he stood there w/his hands on his hips tellin' me to move,  I rolled my head over to point out that mom was still snoozin'' that means noone, "NO ONE" disturbs her.  Then gave him a pointed look an' plopped my head back down on the now,  "my pillow".   Besides, the mornin' snooze in bed w/mom is my time.  He abandoned his spot.  It's not like I'm gonna go seek him out an' ask if he's plannin' on comin' back to bed.  He finally took the hint an' left.
Not only is he sulkin', but he actually accused me of lurin' him outa that bed w/a false "I need to go out", just to get him outa bed so I could take his spot.


Thursday, October 8, 2015

Palm Tree Security Check....

Hmmm.....haven't checked this since yesterday.....there's no tellin' what's hidin' up there.......even mom checks this. Ya remember the snake incident a couple of years ago?  That snake was first spotted by mom right here.  She likes to go to this lil' path to look at her fish....that one mornin', she turned her head an' was eyeball to eye ball w/that big snake.... (She still swears she could feel her hair turnin' white)...after a collected gasp of surprise from both parties...he went one way an' she went the other in the matter of a split second.  She yelled for me an' pointed..of course I didn't see anythin'.  She went back an' looked to make sure it was gone.  I followed it's retreat route to under the neighbor's fence where it had escaped.  He tried to infiltrate our yard a couple more times that week, scarin' the begeebees outa mom each time.  Lexie even tried to get him...but like always, mom's interference led to his escape..again.  (There was somethin' about it slitherin' & wriggilin' all over Lexie's head while she was tryin' to dispatch it that mom couldn't take..but that's a whole 'nother story).  I finally had to take care of the situation myself...since then we haven't had another one in our yard.  But I always do a security check just to give mom peace of mind.  She seems to appreciate it.  I only hope that the cost of that hair dye she's savin' goes to my treat fund.

Friday, September 18, 2015

CRASH...BANG....CLATTER... What's the matter?

CRASH...BANG....CLATTER... What's the matter?
 Lexie ran outa the kitchen like somethin' was after her, then turned right around an' went back in that kitchen barkin' like she was gettin' somethin'.   Mom an' I ran in to see what was goin' even got up outa bed to check out what all the noise was about.....
What'd we find?  Lexie still in a high alert, the kitchen floor covered in kibble an' broken crockery.  Now, that all the crashin' had quit, all that was left was examin' the evidence an' maybe doin' a lil' tastin'.   At that point, Lexie an' I were then shoooed outa the kitchen, while mom got the broom an' swept up all the kibble an' broken pieces of our "now former" food dishes.  
It's quite upsetting to see your food dish that you've had forever unceremoniously dumped in that trash bin....along w/your food. Lexie looked especially sad an' kept circlin' mom, the trash bin, an' the place where her food bowl used to be.
Mom gave her a hug an' told her it'd be ok, Then she got out a couple of her mixin' bowls an' said we could use them till she gets a chance to get us some new ones.  An' then gave us a couple of sausages.  (That makes everything alright in our book)
How did it happen?....well, Lexie's tags, that's how.  Our food bowls are on a stand an' somehow, her tags snagged that stand an' when she tried to get 'em loose, everythin' went topsy turvy an' those bowls hit that kitchen tile an' kinda exploded.  Lexie thought somethin' was after her.  Gotta give her credit, though, as soon as she figured out nothin' had ahold of her, she turned right back an' was gonna "get it".  
This isn't her first time to cause some kind of commotion w/ her tags in the kitchen.   Wish we had a video of the time when she was a pup an' was "prewashin'" the dishes in the dishwasher an' snagged her tags on the rack.  You shoulda seen her tearin' outa the kitchen w/that entire rack of dishes right behind her.   Silverware landed all over the place.  Now, that really made a loud clatter!
You'd think a loud disaster like this would scar us....make us avoid any situation where this may occur again.  Nope....Lexie still "prewashes"' there's no way anythin' s gonna make us avoid the kitchen or our food bowls.  Besides...there's always mom....can't tell you how many times she's dropped stuff in the kitchen  an' it sounded like a bomb.  Which is why we're probably not afraid of loud booms or

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Out on a Limb

AHS Official Report: Lexie (COO), was out doin' a quick patrol before dad came home from a late nite at work. I was inside w/mom waitin' for him. When he came home, it seemed unusual for Lexie to not be there to greet him. She's usually the first one at the door, an' I know she heard the car. Mom was even a lil' concerned. The backyard was awfully quiet, too.

Mom opened the backdoor an' called her, even tellin' her that her "daddy was home". Still nothin'. Then mom got out her big lite.....we both saw Lexie about the same time. The movin' of the tree limbs by the greenhouse was the tell tell sign, she was after somethin' or had somethin'.
I took off runnin' in case she needed followed at a much slower pace since it was dark. 

As mom approached that tree, I was on one side an' Lexie was on the other...there was a lot of movement then somethin' raced up the trunk. Lexie an' I were both jumpin' as high as we wasn't comin' too close (she's still not likin' gettin' under tree limbs at nite w/just a lite an' havin' some critter lookin' down on her). She did shine that lite up the tree an found what we was after literally out on a limb....a long skinny lil' limb. Mom said she'd never seen a possum move that fast, at first she thought it was a cat, till she shined that lite on it.

That possum was so heavy that even mom was surprised it could stay on that limb w/it dippin' w/it's weight like that. It was obviously aware of it's precarious predictament. We could tell when it turned around that it was weighin' it's options of comin' back an' tryin' to face us or at least find a thicker branch. We weren't havin' it. An' believe you me....we were serious about issuin' tresspass warnin's only once. It finally settled down an' was tryin' to wait out that branch not breakin' an' us givin' up. Lexie an' I weren't givin' up....we could do this allllll nite long. Mom was gettin' kinda antsy, an' declared she wasn't stayin' out there. ( I keep wonderin' about her commitment to AHS)
Mom got a lil' closer. Then she took on of her long stakes outa her deceased t'mater plants that succombed to the heat an' drought. Lexie an' I got excited....we knew mom was gonna go into action...we were ready. Mom took that long stick, gave that possum a couple of whacks (r'member it was a skinny lil' branch, so it didn't take much) an' it dropped w/a big "thud".

Lexie an' I both hit that fence w/a big "NOOOOOOO" had knocked it off that branch alright....right smack in the neighbor's backyard, on the other side of our solid 6' fence, clear outa sight an' more important...clear outa our reach. We were disgusted...still excited about the chase part...but not at all happy w/the outcome.

After mom declared it was "gone"...well, "duh".....we all went back inside. We were still runnin' on "high" an' hit our water bowls hard. Mom had to refill them twice, of course she complained we'd have had plenty if we hadn't gotten most of it all over the kitchen floor. All I have to say, is that w/any professional athlete...after a hard game....w/all the takes a lil' while to come down. An' besides, now since she mopped the floor, it's all clean, now.      :)

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Push Button at Your own Risk

He can't say he wasn't warned!...that salesman went ahead an' pushed that button anyways.   Don' know why he acted surprised when I appeared at the kitchen window an' hollared at him to back away from the front door.   Lexie was on the other side of the front door tellin' him the same thing.  Bozo (that blue an' gold chikin') was peepin' thru the window wavin' his wings in encouragement.   Mom was watchin' from the safety of the livin' rooman' an was lettin' us handle the situation)   (she don't like to talk to random salesmen.  She said if she did, she woulda' put one up that said, "press here to get someone that wants to buy what you're sellin'").
He got the message an' backed up even w/the kitchen' me.   I looked him in the eye an' gave him another warnin' just for good measure.  Then we all waited to see what he'd do.  Me at the front window, Lexie sniffin' at the front door, an' Bozo peekin' thru the front window. The salesman...just stood there lookin' at me an' then lookin' at the front door with hope against hope that some"body" was gonna open it.  (as if!)
That salesman stood there for a few minutes before he gave up an' started off on his way to somebody else's house.   As he walked down the sidewalk, Bozo waved his wings an' hollared, "Bye!".  The salesman stopped an' started to turn around an' come back.  I had to give him another, "don't even think about it...just keep on goin'" warnin'.  He got the message an' left.
Mom was impressed with how we handled the entire thing an' gave us all rewards. An' I'm glad she got us this new fangled piece of equipment for AHS,  it works really well.  Like I said, they press that button at their own risk.

Sunday, August 30, 2015


I really don't know why dad is surprised by what we do.  It's not like we just got here yesterday.

We're airedales.  We don't need someone to tell us what to do all the time.  No micro managin' here...well, except for us managin' the folks, but they're mostly clueless about that.  Anyway,  I was goin' thru our toy box an' found my lucky blue tennis ball. It's my's super bouncy.  Lexie an' I were havin' a great game of ball in the house, while mom an' dad were watchin' tv.  Then the inevitable happened.  That ball rolled right under that big thing that the tv is on.  I tried to catch it.

 Then I tried to pull it out w/my paw...hopin' it was right there at the edge.  Then I looked under' it was way back against the wall.  There was no way I could get it.  I hollared at Lexie...she came an' looked...then she hollared at me to get it.  I hollared back at her that there was no way I could reach it.   We were both squated down looked under that thing, then  I told her we needed help.  She ran right over an' grabbed dad's arm an' was pullin' him outa his chair.  I was encouragin' her an' keepin' watch where my ball was, so dad would know where to look.

Dad had no choice but to come w/Lexie.  Then we were both tryin' to out talk each other tellin' him to get that ball.  I got down to look where it was, an' dad got down to look, too.  Then Lexie was tryin' to get in there to look.  Mom, for some reason, was laughin' too hard she was about to fall off the couch...somethin' about the floor show was better than anythin' on tv.

Then the real excitement happened.  Dad found another ball under there along w/my blue one.  When he brought those balls out from under there, Lexie an' I grabbed 'em so fast an' was gone, dad said it was like magic.  Then as he realized he was still sittin' on the floor an' we were gone,  He told mom that he though we'd be more grateful for his help.  She explained to him  not to take it personally, that we were just utilizin' our problem solvin' skills.  Sometimes we need extra "tools" thumbs or long arms.

(But to be honest about it....there's nobody we'd rather go to when we need help except mom or dad.)

Monday, August 24, 2015


What a way to start out the week.  May have to go on the lam.   Mom says not to worry about it, but it's the "government"..."big brother"....who knows..squirrels, cats an' rats.  We've still got one of them land line phones w/a recorder on it.  Mom refuses to take a phone outback...she says that's not a place for tech stuff.  So, that phone takes messages.  Well, there was a message alright.  It was somebody sayin' the IRS is about to file a lawsuit against "ME"!  An' I needed to call some number right away to keep 'em from doin' it.  Mom wouldn't let me use the phone.  I've got to wonder if they finally found out that I was head of a big business.  Not sure how, it's not like I stockpile profits...we usually eat all profits an' wages here at AHS.  An' I'm sure not gonna send them any reports, heck I'm pretty sure they're on our list of non grata visitors anywho. Hmmm...maybe it was that new cat I saw skulkin' around the neighborhood last nite.  I knew he was up to no good, an' he did run off when I yelled at him from my tower.  

I've decided!  I'm not gonna give in to 'em.....they'll have to come get me, if they dare.   Let 'em just try to get any of my stuff.  I'll put Lexie in charge of guardin' our cookies an' treats...there's no way no how that anyone'll get past her.  I've got her in disguise, too....just in case. She's ready, too...especially as soon as she realized that her cookies are mixed up with my cookies.  Trust me, our cookies are now safer then if they were in Fort Knox.   (There may be a small problem w/embezzlement, but I'm not really worried about that)

 In the meantime, just to be safe.....I'll be doin' my patrols indognito.  You can never be too careful.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Ice is not all the same

MOM!  It's not the same!
........that's what I had to tell her.  OK...I admit it, I had a lil' revolt.  I tried to humor her, when she'd get up an' get me a bowl of ice an' put it in the kitchen.  You'd think she'd caught on, when I'd go get one piece at a time, bring it into the living room, an' chew it in front of her.  Then go back an' get another an' another.  Guess sarcasm is lost on her for some reason. Why after all this time she's startin' to object to stickin' her own hand in her glass of soda or sweet tea,  fishin' out some of that ice, an' feedin' it to me a couple of pieces at a time?  It's our thing! Besides plain ice tastes like..well, plain ice.   So, tonite...I decided enough is enough.  I glared at her...stared her down.....planted my paw on her leg, gave that glass a look then told her in one demandin' bark I wanted that ice, an' I wanted it now!  Oh, she tried to stare me down...but she couldn't do it.  I was serious...I wasn't gonna blink or grin...I was like stone.  Did she give in?  You betcha....she didn't have a choice.  At first, she gave me a piece....then when I demanded another (hey, I wasn't givin' in)....she got up...went into the kitchen, got my bowl, brought it into the livin'' poured all her ice an' what was left of her drink into that bowl.   It's not exactly the lesson I was tryin' to teach her...but she is a work in progress.  As she walked away, she told dad (who was laughin') that I just better not be wantin' her mornin' coffee.  Hmmmm...hadn't thought of that....but I do like her toast an' bacon.  :)

Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Shoe

Well, mom...that'll teach you!  I admit that I stole your shoe, while you were watchin' tv.  I was just tryin' to get you up off that couch an' engage me in a lil' game of keep away (you) an' chase (me).'s totally your fault.  When Lexie came strollin' in from outside, you told her to get your shoe from me.  Well, she did.  Then what did you expect her to do?  Bring it back to you? I really am ROTFL......  She took it to her bed an' proceeded to start takin' the insides outa it.  One thing she did accomplish though...was get you up off the couch.  Almost got a chase goin'...but she saw you comin' an' grabbed that shoe an' took off out her lil' door into the nite, leavin' you standin' there in the middle of the livin' room barefooted. An' FYI...standin' there yellin' "LEXIE, BRING BACK MY SHOE", with your hands on your hips didn't accomplish much.  She came back alright.  Poked her lil' head in her door w/that shoe in her mouth, saw you standin' there w/your hands on your' then backed right back out an' took off to who knows where. When you opened the backdoor, there was no sign of her or your shoe.
You tried to get me to go out there an' get her, since I was just standin' there w/a grin on my face.  But I'm not gettin' involved in's all b'tween you an' Lexie, now.  You'd have your shoe, if you'd just played w/me.  So, I'm just gonna watch the show from the couch.
Good thing Lexie's predictable, an' you figured out how to get your shoe back w/out havin' to go out there w/a flashlite.  What's the magic word?  "COOKIE"!  Yep, you only had to say it once, an' Lexie came runnin' inside w/your shoe.   She dropped it halfway to the kitchen to get her "reward", all in one piece, too.  (Does the word "extortion" ring any bells?).' btw....don't forget to bring my "cookie" to me on the couch....remember I'm the good one.  Why are you muttering the word, "manipulators"?

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Dodgin' the......

Wow...did I dodge a bullet.....well, needle.  Mom just noticed that I'm due for somekind of "anti frothin' at the mouth, burnin' up the brain goin' mad" vaccination.  She kinda forgot on purpose, 'cause she hates for us to get stuck.  But it's the law, so she don't have much choice.  Plus, we've got to be up to date to go to our resort this weekend.  So, she called my vet.  I noticed she was startin' to use "that voice"...ya know the one that is like yellin' but is kinda quiet, & every word is enunciated in a slow and deliberate way?  Then it desolved into her takin' names an' makin' notes. Lexie took her pillow outback to "look for squirrels".  I decided to follow her....big open spaces, just in case we got caught up in the fall out.  
It takes...2 minutes to give the vaccine, maybe 5 more for all the paperwork....I can have an appointment "where mom can be with me" (their words exactly on the 19th.  Or I can be dropped off at 7 am tomorrow to stay for who knows how long  (undetermined ...was their words).   This scenario is never gonna happen, they oughta' mark it on our records w/a big stamp "NOWAY/NOHOW".  Or I can go to another clinic that's associated w/them in a part of town that mom never sets foot in since she don't have a concealed handgun license (mom's words).
Armed w/her phone book....thinkin' she'd take me to a old vet friend who has his own private clinic (which she may still do...dependin' on her state of mind an' if she's able to cool down),she called our resort.   They know us an' told her that it was no problem.  Since I'm not a puppy, they understand how vaccines are still in our system an' not for mom to worry about it.  Oh, I'll still have to get it ...eventually, but at least it'll give mom time to work out her frustration before I do. At least I hope so, 'cause she can be scary when it involves us.    I'm pretty sure there's a rule that you should never upset people who are caregivers,  people who make/serve your food, or those that come at you w/pointy objects...especially if you're on the receivin' end.....

Friday, July 10, 2015

Size doesn't really matter.....

Since dad's out back mowin, it's almost as bad as that suckin' machine mom uses in the house...I think they are' I pretty much hate them both.  I haven't tried takin' on that mower, but that sucker machine has some battle scars from me to think about.  It hasn't learned yet, though.  
Anyway, since me an' Lexie are coolin' off in the house till he's finished, I've been ponderin' on a few things.  There seems to be a breakdown on a couple of very simple' not just Airedale rules..but basic Terrier rules.
The first bein', that in multiple pup households, size don't matter.  I'm talkin' about treats. (you were thinkin' somethin' else, right?)  It's all in quantity an' fair play.   For instance,  you find yourself with a lil' tidbit an' just one of your furkids, an' you decide to "share".  Then the second one comes strollin' in.  You feel guilty an' "share" w/that one.  Well, the first one is still there.  You think there's a delimma, 'cause the first one is waitin' for another bit, an' that might seem unfair to you.  What do you do? can start a whole vicious circle till you run out of those tid bits w/the thoughts of "that one had 2, that one had 3, that's not fair that one..".well, you see where I'm goin' w/this.  The basic rule is, what you gave the one by itself that tidbit, doesn't count.   What counts is that if both of them are right there in front of you smilin', so you've got to give them EACH a treat.  It don't matter if the first one gets a lil' smaller piece, they won't care, but they both must get somethin'.  It's all in the since of fair play, an' that's what they expect an' count on.
Second....blame.   You can almost take this to the bank.  If you are gone an' then come back an' find somethin' amiss...say...exploded beds, trash can spillage, shredded..well, anythin', an' you find your pup(s) sleepin' peacefully or excited to see you.    If you didn't personally witness the perp in the act.....hey, it coulda' been cats or squirresl as far as I'm concerned.  An' you're just spinnin' your wheels an' your pup is wonderin' what they did wrong when you get upset w/'em.  "Cause it's a similar condition to that toggle switch we have that turns our ears off when we're "busy".  Left to our own devices, we sometimes succumb to a lack of impulse control an' find the need to vent.  Sometimes it's curiosity...boredom...or somethin' you've done to trigger it.  Once we get it outa our system...we're pretty much over an' done w/it an' have moved on.  Literally pushed the episode outa our minds.  So, when you bring up somethin' an' got your pants all bunched up...we really don't have a clue to what the heck you're talkin' about.  So, the next time you see that confused look....w/that "what are you ravin' about?" know why.  (Disclaimer...sometimes we know exactly why, but want you to figure out just what you've done to deserve it)

Glad I could help clear these things up.   Carry on........

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

For Adults Only...

This is so wrong on so many levels.  I think some of those chemicals got to mom's brain yesterday when she got her hair done.

First off, everytime mom has gone to the forever...she's been makin' snarky comments on the cereals they have on the shelf.  Sayin' they are full of chemicals an'' what are they thinkin' to put candy in a breakfast cereal for kids?  She's been sayin' they're crazy.   So, what does she do?  She comes home w/this.....cereal w/chocolate!  Her excuse(s).....she's "an' bein' able to make these choices is somethin' she promised herself when she was a kid".' then she said they should have an "adult only" section in the cereal aisle....she still don't think it's appropriate for lil' kids.  An' besides, it's "chocolate an' it just hypnotized her into takin' it home".   On top of everything else, she bought a second box for someone else, just so she had company in the "self indulgent/guilt room".

She's tried it, she likes' says it's not really like eatin' a candy's not really sweet.   An' the chocolate is dark chocolate an' that's s'posed to be good for you.
Well, personally..that brings me to the second reason it's so wrong.  Part of my contract includes any an' all left over/extra cereal milk.  Now...'cause it's "chocolate"...I don't get any. need to be strong...stick to your convictions an' don't succumb to the corporate temptations.   Think about it....who do you really think is their target shopper?  Hmmmm?

Saturday, June 27, 2015

No, we did not play Tug a War w/a Rat shoulda been here!  It was just awesome....a perfectly executed AHS job...just perfect.  An' surprise surprise, dad got to assist.  On top of that, he did a great job, too.  He an' mom were sittin' on the deck readin', when Lexie an' I noticed we had a breach.  There was somethin' under that cement thingee that the drain from the roof hangs over.
 Dad noticed that we both were givin' it some serious attention...snortin' an' sniffin' an' pawin' at it.  It's heavy, so that pawin' at it tryin' to move it wasn't workin'...we were startin' to proceed w/plan B...diggin'. So, at that point (w/mom encouragin' him), he got up an' decided to help us out  (mom says more than likely to keep us from doin' some excavation).  We got in position...Lexie at the top, me at the side, an' dad at the back.  Mom stayin' on the deck, 'cause she knew what was comin'.
Dad lifted the end of that thing....Lexie an' I both dartin' in there ...that rat tried to run b'tween us.  We both grabbed an' crunched at the same time.
 Now this is where mom started to get involved.  An' I can understand her concern.  She says it was like time slowed down.  She saw that both of us had that rat in our mouths at the same time.  Each of us had an end, an' all she could think of was us  (WARNIN'..YOU MAY WANT TO SKIPP THE NEXT LIL' PART) havin' a tug a war w/that' things gettin'' gross.  An' two other things...she wasn't cleanin' it up an' there weren't gonna be any kisses from us for a loooonnnnggg time.  Not to worry though.  There was that split second when we had grabbed it at the same time an' crunched it.  An' Lexie did want to take off w/it....but as soon as I realized that we had succeeded in what we needed to do...well, I let her have it.  (an' contrary to what dad says, it's not 'cause I realized I had the tail end, either)   Lexie just puts all varmits in  the possum category...she likes to keep an eye on 'em for a few minutes to make sure they don't get up an' try to escape. B'tween her an''s happened.  Anyway, after a few minutes of mom an' dad followin' her around...Lexie traded it for a lil'' dad got the honors of "takin' care of it".
Lexie an' I have been on a high all night...reenactin'  the whole thing w/pillows, stuffies, an' dad's shavin' wash cloth.  Mom keeps askin' us why we don't go play an' roughhouse outside were there's lots of room...well, the answer is simple....there's no audience out there....

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Cap'n American...maybe.....

Well, mom was lookin' at new collars for me an' Lexie.  She'd narrowed mine down to a "Justice league" or " Captain America" one.  She hasn't decided, but now....she's rethinkin' both of 'em.  Why?   I don't know....she thinks she needs to find a 'villain" one.  Really?  I swear that when I got up in dad's chair an' took that last piece of cinnnnammmon bagel w/creamy cheese off his c'mputer table, then jumped down an' took it to my bed for savorin'...that he was finished w/it an' had left it there for me....really!  That's my story an' I'm stickin' to it!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

"SOCIAL" as in "OFFICE" doesn't mean "FUN"

Yesterday,   Mom went to the place where she said all the old peoples, broken peoples, & peoples that want/need go to sign up for stuff.  She said she's ignored all the phone calls an' has probably filled up ten trash bags w/all the unwanted mail from people wantin her to go here or there or sign up for somethin' called medicare.  (She has been tempted to fill some of 'em out w/my name...but decided it would be too much trouble an' she'd never get rid of the salesmens).  Anyway, since she's procrastinated for so long, dad told her she better go since she's gonna be really "OLD" in about a month an' those official peoples might not like her not doin' it in time. she goes w/her purse full of documentation that dad said he had to have. Not havin' ever been to the Social Security Office, she went early armed w/her kindle w/a trash novel on it figurin' that it's a government agency, so she'd be waitin'.  She said she don''t know why they call it by that name, it's not a fun or social place at all.  When she walked inside, there was a big room w/bunches an' bunches of those metal foldin' chairs full of peoples.   Along the far wall was lil' windows w/peoples helpin' other peoples.   She said she saw a line in front of a computer other information...but she figured it had to have somethin' to do w/lettin'  "them" know she was there.  That was a wait in itself.  Finally, it was her turn...she selected "English", put in her SS #, then her birthdate, hit "end"' a lil piece of paper spit out w/the number...101.

Clutchin' that lil' piece of paper, she found a seat in one of them "not comfy" chairs, somewheres on about the 20th row.  She did a lil' people watchin'....'cause there were some characters an' all kinds.  Some made her the people that brought lil' kids (there's no tv, brochures, signs, nada...just yellow painted walls & those grey metal chairs an' wall to wall people).  She looked again at that lil' still said "101"' they just called #15.

Mom lost track of the time, while enjoyin' her trashy novel.  Dad said that the size of her font probably made it possible for several people to enjoy it as well. (She says it's that size in case she don't feel like wearin' her glasses or contacts...& if she works just as well).  Finally, the called her to window #4....the man had all her information in front of him...& asked her if she was signin' up for just medicare A or B or both....she said just A.  He then told her that they close at noon on Wed., an' they aren't allowed to take applications for medicare after 11 am.  (Just imagine mom's eyes startin' to squint an' lil' trails of smoke leakin' outa her ears).  She said that he musta' noticed, 'cause he really quick like, pulled up the offical site on his c'mputer an' faced the monitor towards her.  Then he showed her what to click on to apply online...easy peasy.  She felt a lil' better after that, but decided to make use of a live person, an' asked him about gettin' some money outa them for all the years she worked.  He was still tryin' to make mom happy, so he went a printed out a thing that showed how much she could get now or in the future.  Then he showed her that she could do that online as well...again, easy peasy.

So...she figures they don't want her to come back down there...which is ok w/her.  The people, the chairs, the walls, the people..omg..the people...just not her thing.  She does still have a few questions...why did dad have to have so much documentation?  He had to go back a second time w/birth certificates of both his mom an' dad.  Mom never even had to show an ID, an' when she filled it out online it was super easy, an' even takes an' electronic signature.  No mailin' anythin' in.  Last question...why don't more people do it' those that don't...why don't they have a trashy novel or somethin' to read? Surely, everybody in there knew there was gonna be a wait.  What kind of person is ok w/just sittin' an starin' at yellow walls?

Does it bother her to be about to turn "OLD"?  Not at all, she' lookin' forward to more discounts at places.  As for me...she's just the same ol' mom, the one that tries to help us when we've got a situation.  Like this mornin'..we were sure there was somethin' in those tires, dad had stacked up.  They were way too heavy for us to move & diggin' under 'em wasn't really effective.  Mom came over an' moved one of 'em a lil'.  We were right...there was a mouse in there!  An' you shoulda' seen how fast mom moved as it ran across her foot....just like a was the

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Proof We're Always on the Job

AHS Official Report......May 14, sometime in the afternoon of all times.....Mom an' dad left to go 'who knows where" leavin' us to "guard".  Oh, I'm pretty sure they think we just sleep an' goof off while they're away.   We take our responsibilities seriously, an' since we're in charge of our operation, it's not like we actually need 'em here.  (As you know, they sometimes get in the way.).  So, to be proactive an' make sure they know that we're on the job, we decided to present a lil' tableau of showin' our prowess at security an' "guardin'".  (Not to mention that we did expect some kind of bonus)
They finally came home.  Then mom checked her phone.  She had missed a call, so she grabbed the phone an' walked outside w/us.  She went an' sat down on the deck to the left.  We were waitin' an' watchin'.  Sometimes she's clueless an' obviously blind, but we're patient...we know she'll snap to it sooner or later. Sure 'nuff, she finally turned around to take the phone back in the house....that's when she made one of them really funny noises.   Lexie went right over an' pointed out the body an' was telllin' mom alll about it.  I did a double check on it, just to show mom that we finally got that grandfather of all broad daylite no less.  (It was me, actually, there's no way I'd let Lexie tangle w/one that I had to drag it off the fence).   An'....I didn't let Lexie take it into the house, but did approve of her takin' it up to the house to present as evidence of a job well done.  (Mom appreciated that)|
After her initial heart attack feelin' shock, she told us we did good an' to go in the house for a treat!  Woo hoo....I knew we'd get a reward!  Even Lexie was excited an' went in the house.  Of course we knew mom was gonna lock us in, an' get rid of the evidence...but that's ok...we'd been keepin' an eye on it for the hours she was gone an' were bored w/it.  She went an' got dad.  He an' the neighbor came an' took it away...they were even amazed at how big it was.
We've been on a high the rest of the day...enactin' the capture w/our stuffies over an' over.   That an' lots of bitey face an' chasin'...all in the livin' room.  We just can't seem to tire of the story of the hunt an' capture.  I think mom's a lil' over it, though...she's given us another chew (score!!).

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Squash Leaf Thief

Had another mystery solved for mom.  It wasn't very hard, it's like she wakes up in a new world sometimes, just plumb forgettin' the past.  It's either that, or she keeps doin' the same thing  w/the same factors in place an' figurin' there'll be a different outcome for some reason.  See...she has this big round planter w/some lil' squash plants in it. It's one of two she planted.  The other one is doin' good.  It's got big plants w/blooms on it.  The ones in the round planter are kinda puny an' some of the leaves looked like somethin' was eatin' on it.  So, mom thought it was gettin' too much shade an' moved it to another place.  I sniffed all around where it had been, then checked it out in the new place.  It looked fine to me.
Later, mom & I was on the deck.  She was talkin' on the phone, when I noticed the culprit....Lexie.  She was right over there at that big round pot chompin' away on them squash leaves.  In fact, she was slowly walkin' around in a circle makin' sure she sampled each plant.  Then mom noticed her, too.
Mom sure wanted to yell, "NO!!!!!!", at Lexie, but she couldn't 'cause she was on the phone.  Mom poked me on my back, I looked at her an' she was furiously pointin' at Lexie, the squash leaf thief (try sayin' that 5 times fast).  She didn't have to poke me twice.  I launched myself off that deck an' straight at Lexie.  I knew what I had to do...divert.  I gave her a big push an' then took off across the yard w/her zoomin' right on my tail.  After two circles around the fig tree an' grape arbor, we had a grand wrastlin' bitey face.  By then, Lexie was ready for a dip in her pond....all thoughts of her squash leaf salad bar outa her mind.  I went back to the deck to let mom know I took care of it.  She gave me a big pat on the back, an' as soon as she was off the phone I followed her in the kitchen where she gave me a big bacon chew.
You see, I totally understand my responsiblilites....gotta keep mom happy, but gotta take care of my staff, too.

Friday, April 17, 2015

In the the Rain

I'm even amazed...don't know how she did it, but she the the the water.  We've been under a massive storm an' flood watch all evenin'.  We had wind, super heavy rains, booms and' on top of all that, the power kept goin' out.  The street was flooded an' it was even over the sidewalk in front.  The back looks like a swamp.  The rains stopped to a lil' sprinklin' a lil' while' me an' Lexie had to "go".  So, mom let us out w/the "come right back" instruction.  She didn't have to tell me twice...I did what I had to do an' "came right back" an' insisted on bein' toweled off.  Lexie was a 'no show".  So, mom had to go call' call her....finally, Lexie comes trottin'  up, then kinda slows down when she see's mom standin' at the door.  Mom recognizes that special slow walk of Lexies an' just waits.  I'm waitin', see how mom's gonna handle this one, lol.
Lexie comes right up to mom with muddy paws (backyard is a swamp, remember) and bird feet hangin' outa one side of her mouth an' a wing an' head outa the other. She wants to bring it in the house.  Mom's sayin', "no way".  Mom's standin' there, Lexie's sittin' in front of her w/that bird in her mouth..both at a stalemate. Then mom tells dad to get a chew, hopin' to make a trade.  Dad brings one of them pupperoni stix, an' sure 'nuff Lexie goes to grab it droppin' her bird.  Between her chompin' down on that stix, droppin' the bird, mom grabbin' her wasn't but a blink before Lexie found herself in the house w/the backdoor closed with out her bird.  
Then mom realized that there was now a bird layin' right on the other side of that closed door.   Dad looked at her an' said he was barefooted an' wasn't goin' out there.  Mom didn't want it by the backdoor. with most things like this..she's out traipsin' in the dark, in the water, in the rain disposin' of somethin' an' still wonderin' how in the world Lexie found it in the first place.
Earlier, mom was readin' up on Barn Hunts.  She's decided that we might have fun doin'' just maybe be pretty good at it.  An enclosed area, dry, daylite an' w/a rat...piece of cake, lol.  

Mom's not a barber

I'm hidin' out, but I've gotta laugh at dad.  He said he needed a haircut an' wanted mom to trim his hair.  He even got out his special set of clippers (they're just like ours only his has colored plastic thingees to keep mom from shavin' him bald).  He showed her the page w/instructions an' said for her to "try" to follow them an' not do it like she does us.  "OK....", she said...she put on the plasticy thing an' followed the picture.   After two lil'' a "OOPS"'  (sorry...but it is an organic word)  "CRAP!" turned off them clippers, took off that plasticy thing an' put it all down.  Then told dad that she hoped the barber could fix it.....   On the back of his head there was a ...well for lack of a better description, a chunk cut out.  So, off he went to the barber....when he came back, mom examined their handywork.  They fixed it, alright.  She said all he needs is some tattoos on his head an' he'd look just like that actor  that plays King Ragar on that Vikings show.   Dad wasn't amused.   :)

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Deputy Dad

Mom's gettin' lazy....after dinner, Lexie an' I treed (well "fenced" may the be more correct term since he was up on top of ours) another possum.  Mom was comfy on the couch w/her feet up watchin' tv when she heard us.  She says she can actually tell what we're after by the sounds.  Maybe she can...have to admit, she's had a lot of practice backin' us up.  Anyway, she sent out deputy dad (her words), sayin' since it was his day off,  he needed to put in more trainin' hours w/our security detail.  It's ok w/me....I don't mind trainin' him.  The more the merrier, I always say.  He's learned to grab mom's big lite, so I think he'll work out.  He found us about midway on the back fence.  I was jumpin' as high as I could, an' Lexie was keepin' up a stream of trash talk.  Dad shined that lite, an' he saw the possum hangin' on the top of the fence hissin' at us.  He was tryin' to get those lil' orange fruits on one of mom's loquat trees, when we caught him tresspassin'.   Now, he was just outa reach, an' he must be an' experienced one, 'cause he didn't even have his tail hangin' down.  I've managed to drag one off the fence by that method before.  Anyway, dad took a page outa mom's book an' grabbed one of her big sticks an' pushed him right off that fence to the other side.  That's ok.....that means he'll be back (they aren't very smart), an' maybe next time he'll make the mistake of not makin' it to the top of the fence.  All in all, it was a success.  Dad's learnin', he keeps lettin' 'em escape..but he's still new at it.   Just wait till mom's t'maters start disappearin'' she goes on the warpath.  He'll change his tune.  After all, if mom's not happy...nobody's happy.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


This time change, AHS and mom are havin' a bit of difficulty.  It's gonna be an mom.   Me an' Lexie are gonna carry on as usual.  After all, the varmits don't carry watches or have clocks, either. Like this mornin', right before mom's first cup of coffee, we had a situation.  We tried to solve it ourselves, but we were at an impasse.  After tryin' everythin' we could think of...I went to get mom.  Found her in the kitchen impatiently waitin' for her coffee to brew...she gave me that "what?'re just gonna have to wait" look...I wasn't havin' it...this was a code red. I gave her a "follow me... now!" bark, one look to make sure she "got it" and took off to the backdoor.  I coulda' gone thru Lexie's door, but then I'd be takin' a chance on mom not followin' me.  This way, she had to come open the door for me (I was bein' a lil' demandin' and not takin' "no" for an answer)' by then resigned probably, she would follow me.  She did....I raced to the side of the house where Lexie was still workin' on our problem.

There was a rat under dad's pallet of stuff.  We tried every which way we could, but he wasn't budgin'.  I was sure mom would come up with some kind of' she did, but as per usual, not the solution I wanted.  I thought she'd pick all that stuff up an' we'd be ready an' grab it (especially since we had it surrounded). But nooooo....she goes off an' comes back w/the hose w/that thing that jets the water out.  Then she proceeds to spray it under that worked..that rat took off like his tail was on fire...we were just a nano second behind him as he raced around the house headin' towards the deck by the back door.  We searched an' searched to no an' outa them gardens, under the deck, even up the pipe by the air conditioner...that's where we think he went....up that pipe an' across the roof...'cause we looked everywhere else an' couldn't find him.  Lexie did most of the grunt work an' it mom's dismay...but not to worry, Lexie decided to take a quick dip in her pond to rinse off..before goin' in the house.  I'm not sure mom was any happier w/that, though.  It helped that Lexie gave mom time to get that cup of cool coffee before testin' her by jumpin' up on the couch.

All in all, I'm chalkin' this one up as a successful's still thinkin' about

AHS Office Closed for Repairs.....

We've got a big storm comin' an' mom's not gonna be workin' outside all day, but the best part is...that means I'm gonna be able to spend the whole day up in my tower on my comfy queen size bed, three large bay windows to be able to see one end of my neighborhood to the other end.... in peace an' quiet.  Now, if I could only get room service...

Spoke too soon.....locked outa my tower.  Was all excited about goin' up there, too. It's a dark an' rainy day...but mom discovered why I didn't want to come downstairs yesterday mornin'.  I didn't get up w/dad to go out, didn't go up an' give mom her good mornin' wake up cuddle an' fact, she finally came upstairs to find me just layin' on that big bed about 10:30am an' told me to get downstairs.  Then she locked me out, informin' me we were spendin' the day outside.
Just now, she opened it up for me.  She was plannin' on washin' all the beddin' an' climbed up there to take off the sheets.  That's when she found out why I was reluctant to come downstairs.  It coulda' been 'cause I was tryin' to figure out what to do about that lil' window pane I busted...or that when I did it, I cut my paw a lil'.  I sure didn't expect either thing to happen, but I sure didn't want mom to find out, either.
It was that cat's fault!!  He lays right under that window every single nite...just to terrorize me.  To be fair...I didn't even break the screen, so there's no m'skitters comin'' more important, I didn't jump outa that second story  (although, that was a lil' bity pane an' I wouldn't have fit anyways).  
Needless to say, dad's not' mom said that boardin' up them windows wouldn't be a good look.  I, agree, besides how could I keep watch if they were boarded up?

Monday, April 13, 2015

Show Down at the Ok Corral.....

Show Down at the OK Corral...well, not exactly, more like the Battle of Waterloony.  Went out w/mom to check her greenhouse after the storm last night.  Everything seemed ok, to me.  It did to mom too, at first.  She didn't mind that lil' baby green dragon fly that buzzed her face before headin' outside when she opened the doors.  She even kinda liked it an' wished he had stayed in there.  She said hello to her lil' lizard that's been there all winter an' then checked her cucumbers.  They needed a lil' water, so she grabbed her hose.  I was checkin' out around the t'mater pots in the back, when everythin' just went crazy.  I couldn't get outa there fast enough.  Not sure how I got past her w/out goin' thru her, but I found myself on the outside lookin' in...then I decided to watch from the house.  This was a mom mission not one for AHS.  Not to mention her weapon of choice...well, lets just say I didn't want her to turn it on me for any reason.  Seems when she started waterin' her lil' cucumbers, some kind of big flyin' bug flew up.  Not sure if it was a beetle, horsefly, or wasp...but I do know it was somethin' on mom's hit list an' definitely persona non gratis in her greenhouse.  She put that hose on "jet" an' was chasin' him all over that greenhouse w/a blast of water.  Of course, what goes up must come down.  It was like a rain storm in there.  If she had had a lite saber instead of a water stream, it woulda looked like somethin' outa StarWars, w/it goin' this way an' that.   She finally convinced him to fly out an' away.  I was waitin' for her when she came in triumphant but a lil' soaked, an' all she had to say was, "now, I don't have to water the plants, but I need another cup of coffee...this one seems a lil' watered down."  An' she's always tellin' tales of our adventures, I'm goin' on record sayin' I didn't have nothin' to do w/this one.  I was expectin' a nice mornin' stroll around the yard. Ya' just never know what's gonna happen around here.....

Monday, March 16, 2015

"If you can't beat 'em...join 'em"......

Can't believe mom got up so' in a fairly good mood.  We had her out on a hunt last nite about midnite (unplanned on her part).  It got rather involved w/her an' her big lite.  She was all ready for bed...I was, too...then we heard Lexie barkin' out back.  Mom went to the back door an' called her to come in...Lexie would get quiet (which is never a good sign as far as mom is concerned...she gets visions of all kinds of scenerios involvin' Lexie an' whatever she's caught goin' thru her' all based on past events).  Then Lexie'd start up barkin', again.  Mom tried all the magic words..."come", "cookie", "come in the kitchen"..."get in this house..right now!"...none of 'em worked.  The whole time I was standin' at the backdoor w/mom watchin' an' listenin'.  I was ready to be sent in to retrieve Lexie or take care of whatever situation she had stirred up.....just needed mom's "ok".  Mom finally got exasperated enough to send me out there.  Off I went in a blurr......leavin' mom by the back door.  From mom's, we were both out' she could catch glimpses of tan every now an' again thru patches of lite...but it was, again, quiet.  She tried callin' us, we were both on the hunt.  Probably a lil' exasperated, mom grabs her big lite, an' comes out to see what was what an' get us inside. As soon as she got out there...Lexie an' I split up....we appreciated the lite, though.  We were after somethin' in that big garden between the mulberry tree an' the pond.  Like furry bolts of lightnin'..we were zig zaggin' in an' out of that garden after somethin'.  Mom kept tryin' to grab one of us, but she couldn't even keep track of us w/that lite..we were movin' so fast.  She finally gave up an' shined the lite over where we was searchin' she was movin' the lite...she looked up an' found herself face to face w/the reason for all the hoopla.....a furry beady eyed field rat about 8" from her nose an' hangin' on a lil' branch.  Of course, she did what anyone would probably do in that situation...she swatted at it w/her big lite an' yelled for me.  Lexie an' I came runnin'...she pointed off where that critter had landed an' said "look"....I gave her a quick once' although she had sounded a lil' excited, she seemed, off we went towards where she pointed.  That rat had landed by the the hunt was on again.  Guess he was a lil' stunned, 'cause he had gone to ground again, an' we found his trail.  Mom was a lil' mad at that rat for scarin' her, so she was tryin' to help w/her lite.  (Actually, she says it was a case of knowin' we weren't givin' up at this point an' she might as well give in). At one point, we had him surrounded (Lexie an' I make a great team...we know how to go at things from both sides an' work together really well).  We woulda got him, too...but he ran up a tree an' escaped to the roof.   Then mom told us we had done a good job an' it was time to go inside.  We were satisfied an' beat her to the house.  Once inside, we were still "full of it" (mom's words) an' wanted to play zoomies in the house..but mom said we were on our own an' at that point, she turned off all the lites in the house an went to bed, not at all full of excitement.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

The Torch

I'm still layin' on my bed watchin''s been rainy all' mom's been locked in her room all day cleanin' an' sortin'...she started in her closet an' expanded out to the rest of the room an' drawers...
...personally, I think it looks worse then when she started. Stuff an' bags everywhere.   So, although it's a quiet day, I'm still chucklin' over last nite's lil' episode.  What happened was, mom found one of our "torches" while she was pullin' stuff out of her room.  It was', she got some fresh batteries an' proceeded to put it on me.  I've worn it before, so it was no biggee.  She opened the door an' out I went w/that torch on my head an' all lit up.  Lexie was right behind me for about a nano second.  I didn't get 4 steps outside before she jumped up an' grabbed that lit up torch on top of my head an' started pullin'.  Now, you gotta realize it's got big stretchy straps.  I stopped...Lexie had that torch in her mouth an' was pullin'...she had it stretched about as far as it would go...about 3 was horrified an' was yellin' (she said she could just imagine Lexie lettin' go of it an' it smackin' me in the face). Well, we reacted like we always do when mom sounds excitable like that...we took off.  Lexie still had the strap an' torch with me still attached to the other end, an'  we were goin' off at full speed in the dark w/that lite bouncin' up an down.  Mom had to stop 'cause she was laughin'' besides there's no way she could keep up.  All she could do was stand there in the dark an' watch the bouncin' lite make about 3 laps around the yard.  She decided that she might have time to go get her camera an' headed for the house.  We beat her there....but we had lost the lite.  What kind of video would that have been anyway....just a lil' lite bouncin' in the dark?  So, out she goes....she finds it by the fig tree..three straps/one torch/ two batteries/ and the cap.  All I can say is we got distracted by the fig tree an' mom headin' for the house...I went one way around that tree...Lexie went the other...the torch stayed in the

The Torch

Lexie modelin' "the Torch"

Now, imagine that stretched out an' about ready to smack you in the face if she let go....heck yes, I followed her when she took

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Gorilla Glue......'s always somethin'..especially when mom's "alone". 

You know that gorilla glue that's super strong an' will glue anythin'? 

Well, here's some tips...
1.  If you get it all over your hand because, well, you're like real other explanation needed...first off..don't pet me or Lexie or any other 'dale.....'cause your hand will kinda resemble us.

2.   Don't pick up any paper, you'll be peelin' that stuff off till doomsday. 

3.  Try to keep your fingers apart, or they kinda hurt, even if they are furry (because you ignored #1) when you try to pull 'em apart. 

What to do....To save you time, these things don't work, so don't try these 'cause your hand is just gettin' even more sticky as it dries.....
dish detergent
nail polish remover, 
goo gone, 
orange goop, 
toothpaste (why? I dunno, but it don't work),
all purpose cleaner, 
spot remover, 
Deep Eddie's grapefruit vodka (didn't work, but made mom feel better after taking a swig or two), 
an' clothes detergent.

 All the while, have someone like me shadowin' you, just to witness what crazy thing you're gonna do next. Finally, as a last resort (the other being to just let your hand dry w/the fingers separated & know eventually it'll wear off).....say, "the heck w/it" an' get out one of them lil' soapy steel wool pads and scrub your hand like it's never been scrubbed before......voila! To quote's glue/hair free and as smooth as a baby's bottom.

Oh, an' next time you see me, don't pay any attention to the hand shaped bald spot on my back..just kidding, but it coulda' happened....hope I've made your life a lil' easier 
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