Friday, July 28, 2017

Scarred for Life





Mom....I'm turnin' in an official accident report. 

Well, more like a workman's comp report. 

No...it didn't happen here. Actually, it happened on our walk yesterday. I think that should still count. 

Remember when we were walkin' by that nutcase dog that lives on the corner? He & his yard buddy charged the fence & tried to get Lexie? 

I made her get out of the way & was gonna take care of him? 

We were havin' a slight altercation at that hole he made in his fence, before you made me "leave it" & just sit & think about it for a minute. Then we moved on.


Wellllll....just look at my nose! 


It's drivin' me crazy..my tongue has been goin' non stop lickin' it.  

Now look at it! I've got a pink scratch, right down the right side of it!   I'm scarred...possisbly for life!  I'll have to move from the perfectly handsome catagory to the "ruggedly" handsome one.  

Oh..I know the first thing you're gonna say, "I told you so! & to leave those rude dogs alone & stay away from holes in fences"..I know, I know, I know...but still...sometimes, you gotta understand...airedales don't back down from nothin'. He started it! I wanna file a complaint or somethin'!!!  I deserve compensation!

....in the meantime..can I borrow your black marker?

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mornin' Restart......

All I can say is ...we did our job. AHS at it's best.

Dad let us out, before he left for work....about 3-3:30am. Lexie an' I were out there for awhile......oh, he heard us barkin'...an' called us in. That's when we did a lil' tag teamin' him. First, I came in....Lexie started barkin'...so, I went back out...an' then she came in. Dad got mom's lite an' went out to call me....so, Lexie came back out.

Then dad walked around lookin' for us an' could only see "black n' tan" flashes go by as he "wandered" around the the yard w/mom's lite. He finally gave up an' came back into the house, only to find us layin' in our bed, lol. 

When mom got up, she got her coffee an' opened up the "outside". We ran out, an' she followed....or at least started to. Right there in front of Lexie's lil' porch...was a possum...a kinda ...how to say it....hmmm...."playin' possum perpetually"?. An' on Lexie's porch....a couple of very clean avocado pits.
Turnin' around, mom took her coffee back in the house...mutterin' that this wasn't her idea of how to start her day....especially without even havin' that first cup of coffee. Hey....I don't know what her complaint was....we left it all outside.


So, she gets her lil' shovel an' scoops up the possum..then put it in the big brown paper bag she's been puttin' lil' limb cuttings in. Then puts the bag out on the curb for the trash mens.


After that...she tries to start her mornin' again....gets her coffee, goes outside...we go out there to do another patrol....it all goes pretty good....as far as she's concerned, 'cause it was uneventful.
We all go back in the house.....an' she gets busy doin' stuff. Lexie an' I settle in for a nice nap.


We all hear a rumblin'....mom looks outside...an' it's pourin' down rain. She looks out front, an' sees her brown paper bag w/the possum gettin' soaked an' lookin' deflated. She can just imagine them trash mens pickin' it up an' the bottom fallin' out....along w/that possum.


While Lexie an' I watch from the window....there's mom in her boat jacket w/hood carryin' a big black plastic trash bag traipsin' out in the pourin' rain to "rebag" that bag. When she came back inside, she headed for the kitchen for another cup of coffee....statin' that she's gonna try to start her day over.....again..

..
Lexie an' I relocated to the chair an' couch to restart our naps.....

Friday, June 9, 2017

Time to Bring out the Big Guns

June 9, AHS report

Did what I thought was a routine security escort for mom, when she went to close her greenhouse. (She's now referrin' to it as the "tomater vault". She opens it up durin' the day, but locks all them 'tomater plants up at nite for security reasons). 

 I don't know about your moms, but mine...once she gets outside, she very seldom goes from point A to B. She went into the green house, came back out w/a lil' spray bottle....an' headed back towards the patio. Seems she saw somethin' was makin' the leaves curl on her lil' lime tree.
 
When she got there, I heard a gasp an' some adult words. Then she reached in an' plucked a lime that had been gnawed on. As she held it up to show me...I had no time to look...I spied the perp makin' a getaway...an' I was after him. He ran behind mom's pots, but I headed him off...he ran back the other way...but I was ahead of him (an' yes, mom was still standin' there w/that gnawed lemon in one hand an' that spray bottle in the other an' thankfully stayin' outa my way...for a change).

Once more, I almost got him..but then he ran up a branch an' got on that fence rail.
I ran along the fence as fast as I could....but then...he went up a tree an' sat, of all places...on the tippy top of mom's greenhouse! Just sittin' up there....mom could see him....I backed way up...an' I could see him. 

 Then mom looked at him...got that squinty eye look she gets..an' looked at her lime. That big rat was lookin' back at both of us...He really shouldn't have done that...mom took it as a..."nah nah nah...you can't get me!". I didn't like it either...an' told it so..loudly! But there it sat...right on the top of mom's greenhouse...just sittin' there...starin' at us.

Well, like I said...mom had that squinty eyed look an' that usually means somethin' not good for somebody. She went back to the house, hollared at dad to get her pellet gun..an not to shoot her greenhouse. 

 Dad doesn't even question mom about stuff anymore..he's learned over the years. He just went an' got it, while me an' mom an' the rat had a stare off. (I've told ya'll before about mom not goin' halfway about stuff). When he came outside...mom showed him her gnawed lime an' pointed to the rat. There was a lil' "pop" an' we all watched the rat roll down the other side of the greenhouse. 

 I took off & went behind the greenhouse an' found it. I sure wasn't starin' back anymore. I did drag it out from between the shed an' the greenhouse, so dad could dispose of it. Mom gave me a big chunk of cheese for a job well done. (an' she did tell dad he did a good job, too, especially since he didn' shoot a hole in her greenhouse.)

Where was my assistant, Lexie? Snoozin' in mom's bed...she missed the whole thing!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Mom's got the itchies.....

Well...three times is a charm. Mom took herself over to a big clinic, today. Since the first one didn't do anythin' for her, & the second one was incompetent an' gave her a low dose med that wouldn't do her any good. She tried to go to her doctor, only to find out that since she hadn't been to see him, he dropped her & she'd have to come in as a new patient...an' he's not takin' any new patients. (That don't even make sense to me).  She was kinda upset by this since he's been her doctor for upteen years. She just don't believe in goin' to a doctor if you're not sick....you might catch somethin' there. She can't help it if she's relatively healthy. She said she'd go to a dr more often if they could make her young & skinny....an' actually see you at your appointment time.

 Anyways, she had another terrible night of not bein' able to sleep 'cause of the itchies. Her face...well, she don't look like herself w/all that red stuff all over it an' it all swollen...so's her neck an' still her arms. You'd think she had mange.  She's never been allergic to anythin'...ever!  But guess what....that funny vine in the back corner she was clearin' out...well, it turns out to be some kind of poison ivy or oak.  She say's it must be some kind of mutant strain 'cause of all the pollution....stuff like that's never bothered her before an' she's been around those things before an' they've never bothered her.  

Anyway, s
o, she went over to the big 24hr clinic, the same one she went to when that cat chomped down on her hand. They saw her right away, knew what her problem was and gave her some strong meds to take. The best thing....the doctor an' the nurses told her that she should be lookin' an' feelin' better in just a couple of days.

 I've been tryin' to take care of her...but she said that when I lick her booboos it makes 'em itch more, but she appreciates me hangin' out on the couch w/her. The way I figure it, takin' care of her is more important then bein' up in my tower watchin' the neighborhood. Even Lexie has been hangin' around, too. An' just 'cause mom has a snack tray set up has nothin' to do w/it, either. :)

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Cocktail sausage

You know those lil' sausage dogs? Well, today on our walk there was a cocktail sausage dog, he was that lil'. We was walkin' by this house & in their garage was these lil' dogs. The fuzzy one was loud & rude. He was makin' all kinds of noise. Lexie did her abrupt stop, where she faces the noise w/one paw up, & you can tell she's thinkin' about tellin' 'em off. But I guess she decided that it wasn't worth the trouble, he was stayin' in his garage & was kinda small, anyway. 
So, we continue on...when all a sudden..out comes this tiny lil' brown weiner dog, waggin' his tail. He comes right up to me. Ok...I'll give him a sniff. We get nose to nose, he wags his tail some more, I try not to step on him...but I gotta go. I mark the bush by his driveway...kinda like a callin' card..and we continue on.

 Uh oh...me & Lexie both stop & look back...he's following us. He's not supposed to do that. Where's his people? Nowhere in sight. Dad says, he'll get bored & go home. We continue on some more. I stop, again & look back. He's still followin' me. I leave some marks here & there (kinda like bread crumbs, he can follow them back to his house is what I'm thinkin'). After about 4 or 5 houses...he looked like he was headed back.

Two things I don't understand....
One-why was he just loose to run around? He was so little,  an' his legs were so short...they just looked like feet, no legs there at all...how could he get away from any danger?  There's no way he could outrun anythin'..an' he's snack size.   
Two- Why do lil' dogs always want to pal around w/me & the big dogs always want to challenge me? I just don't get it. Lexie thinks it's hilarious

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Drones

You wonder why you've seen a drone over our yard twice? Really? 





I've suspected you've been under some kind of surveillance for some time....probably because of your big lite in the middle of the nite. 
Oh, I know you're gonna blame us...but you have to be honest....we're usually doin' fine an' handlin' stuff w/out your help. 
An' then's there's the possible disposable of bodies site....they may have you on that....but I'm pretty sure this time it's 'cause your "lil' garden" looks a lot like a real burial site....for like a person.....just sayin'....


An'...by the way.....although we/ve got your back...an' AHS has a sterling rep.....you do have to admit that you "go outside the lines" sometimes.



Thursday, April 20, 2017

So close...yet so far



Last nite, mom thought all of us goin' to bed early would be a good idea. Well....you know that sayin' about "best-laid plans of mice and men..."?


Mom let us out, since it hadn't rained for awhile an' she hoped the water had gone down in the backyard. I came right back....of course, Lexie got distracted.

Me an' mom both heard her yellin' her head off in the back corner....I looked at mom to make sure she was aware that we had a AHS situation...then I took off, assured mom knew.

Mom came out w/her big lite to the back corner, where me an' Lexie were. I was warnin' the perp, while Lexie was workin' on access. Mom shut us both down.

She shined her lite, didn't see nothin' but the hole under the back fence behind our horse fence (just in sight, but yet, so far). Then she told us to go back in the house. We both took off...again knowin' that it was long gone once mom showed up.
Mom saw me peel off to take care of some "business" behind a tree. When she got to the house, she stood at the backdoor, callin' me. Finally, after me nudgin' her, she realized I was standin' behind her...in the house. An' Lexie wasn't in the house, an' she had headed for it ahead of both of us.
So, mom started callin' Lexie. Lexie came runnin' super fast into the house....splashin' the whole way, an' leavin' puddles in her wake. On the way to the house, she decided to go for a skinny dip in the pond. Naturally, the first place she went was in dad's big chair...gettin' it soaked. Mom yelled at her to get down....got towels an' started tryin' to dry stuff off...then gave up an' got more towels an' started to dry off Lexie...then everythin' else.


Me?....I was just tryin' to stay outa the spray an' wonderin' when mom was gonna give me my reward....after all...I was the good one...again.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Outdoor Tip

Outdoor tip: When your mom insists on everybody workin' outside, you need to stay hydrated. Forced to "rough it", hose water is almost as good as mom's sink water (which is in the air conditioning..hint, hint...)





Friday, March 10, 2017

Day Lite Savin's Time




Helpin' mom get all the clocks ready. I don't really understand this Saving Daylite biz...it's just changin' clocks, seems so silly. It's been pouring down rain for two days...if we saved any daylite, why can't we use some of it today? Anyway, mom said we have to change all the clocks tonite ahead one hour. I'm a lil' confused on what to do about this sundial watch.
Mom, I guess you're just gonna have to remember to either add an hour, shift a lil' clockwise...or forget about it..'cause it don't work in the house or at nite anyway.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Sometimes you want Alone time









Lol, it turned cool & we were out runnin' & runnin'. Lexie came in so pooped she tried to make a lil fort outa both our beds, then completely zonked out





.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Monkey See....Monkey Do

Mom's always callin' Lexie a "lil' monkey". Partly 'cause she's always jumpin' or climbin' up on stuff. But mostly 'cause the is a "monkey see, monkey do" kinda gal. Pretty much everything she knows is 'cause she's watched me do it. (Of course she sometimes puts her own spin on things.)

For instance.....three years ago....

Last nite, she did somethin' new. Here's the deal...back when there was just me (seems like forever ago), I used to play ball outside w/mom. Then along came Lexie, who is so eager to plea
se, she took over the outside ball n' frisbee games. She wanted so bad to do it...I let her. Mom or dad throws a ball or frisbee across the yard & Lexie chases after it as fast as she can. Ever since then, me & mom have a private game every nite in the house w/one of my lil' soft balls or binky. I'll take it to mom...then she'll tell me to "go waaaay back", & I'll back up across the room. Then she throws it, I jump up n' catch it, & she claps real loud. Then I take it back to her, & we do this 3 or 4 times. It's our thing. Last nite, we were doin' this..& all of a sudden, Lexie goes over to her toy box & grabs a stuffed squirrel & takes it to mom. Mom asks her if she wanted her to throw it...& Lexie starts backin' up across the room w/a big smile on her face, all on her own.

Now...you gotta understand...Lexie can't catch..she's terrible at it. (Her havin' only one eye she can see out off..may have a lil't o do w/it)   Usually, the only thing she can catch that's thrown to her, is my big fuzzy ball or her giant pumkin'. Both of which are bigger then her head, so they're hard for her to miss.

Well, Lexie stops about 8 feet from mom w/a look of serious concentration. Mom shows her the squirrel & gives it a slow toss right to her. Lexie jumps up...an' grabs it w/both paws & her mouth..surprisin' all of us. You should have seen how excited n' proud she was as she brought that squirrel right back to mom to do it again. Heck..I was even excited. Guess she's been watchin' me & figurin' out how to do it...& it worked. She's probably the only 'dale that catches stuff w/her front paws in the air, but it works for her

Friday, February 24, 2017

AHS Log-Spring's just around the corner....

Ahhhhh....spring is right around the corner & here at AHS, we're glad to be back in action. This winter hiatus stuff is boring.

 About 2 am, mom got up to get a drink of water...of course, we head to the back door & give her that "look". She lets us out w/her, "now, you come RIGHT back!". We had good intentions, it wasn't our fault....and I did send Lexie in to tell her somethin' was up, while I ke
pt a close eye on that varmit...a loud close eye (if you know what I mean). Well, mom came out w/a flashlite, barefooted & in her stripey jammies to make me quit. 'Cause all that noise was right outside the bedroom window, where dad was sleepin'.

First she checks us, then the roof & then....(I had to point it out) the top of the tree. Yep, right there at the tippy top was a lil' possum, holding on for dear life. That's right...he better hold on tight.....

Mom told us to come inside, & since I already knew, there was no chance of us gettin' it, we came in. Once they make it to the top of that tree, they just scamper across the roof to who knows where. So, knowin' possums....since they aren't too smart, we'll get another chance at him.

Anyway,  Mom closed outdoors again, just in case.

Now, this morning (normal mornin' hours accordin' to mom)...she hears us makin' a racket again. She goes out to check, & Lexie immediately runs to tell her all about it & lead her to the scene all excited like. An' she greets mom all covered in mud & now, so is mom.

When mom makes it to the fence, where I am.....I point out to her our culprit, that is just out of reach. So, so close..but we can't get to him. On top of that, he's slow & maybe stuck.  At least he sure looks stuck.....classic case of a round thing tryin' to fix in a square hole.

Once again, being the CEO of AHS..I decided that to make an executive decision an' assign Lexie the job of keeping an eye on him, freeing myself up for more important things...like warning off the couple of chows that were bein' walked on my sidewalk in front of my house, helpin' mom w/her buttered toast. You know...that kinda stuff.

Meanwhile after a bit, it got kinda quiet...too quiet...mom goes out to check on Lexie. T
here was evidence that she had tried to dig under the fence in the mud.  I guess the mud got to her an' she had rinsed off in the pond. We found her just sitting there by the fence, soakin' wet, (but w/mud on the top of her head)  staring at that turtle...just daring it to move.






Mom says it's gonna be a long day.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

The Mooch....

Don't know why I'm even commentin' on it. It's an ongoin' situation , & I don't see it ever changin'. Actually, it's a "who" & not a "what"...Lexie...aka- "the mooch", "the wheedler", "the suck-up". 

It almost always happens....mom or dad will call us into the kitchen. Then they'll give us somethin'...maybe a cookie or piece of jerky..just somethin'. I'll get mine...take it to my bed-central & TRY to enjoy it. Lexie gets hers about a nano second after I get mine...and then proceeds to scarfs it down, then runs after me, stares at me while I'm tryin' to enjoy mine...hopin' I'll let her have it. 

When she decides I'm ignorin' her (the best I can), she runnnnssss back in the kitchen, sits, wags her lil' tail, ..prob'bly grins or holds her paw up in the hope to score an extra. Oh...I know what's goin' on. Believe it or not...a lot of times she gets away w/it, & gets another one.

As I finish mine, I listen for a chuckle, the lid to our cookie jar, or any talkin'. Then I make my way back in the kitchen. An' lo & behold..just in time to see her either gettin' another treat or munchin' on one. 


Naturally, they feel guilty & give me another, too. You'd think that'd be the end of it...but nooooo. Lexie is tryin' all over again w/the cute act.

I'm not about to leave a second time...I wanna know if she gets away w/it.

She's got them convinced that the extra she got by herself didn't count, & that if we are both there...we have to both get somethin'. It wouldn't be fair to only give one of us somethin' in front of the other.

Actually, you have to give the lil' con artist credit for a well thought out scheme.

I'm not really concerned....& I'm not tellin' about the fact me & mom have a secret silent signal, or the fact that when she does it...I very quietly go to her & she gives me somethin' special. (It's our lil' secret).

Monday, February 20, 2017

What's the Alarm About?

I dunno what's w/mom. First off, I don't know why she gets so suspicious when she don't see or hear us. Second, our house isn't that big, you'd think she'd be more aware of what's goin' on.
She's been leavin' the greenhouse open durin' the day, 'cause it's been so sunny. At nite, she closes it up 'cause we've still got pretty cool nites.

It was a lil' before dark that Lexie an' I followed her out there to close it up, an' then went on an' did a patrol. Mom went back in the house an' got busy, well busy doin' mom stuff...borin' as heck as far as Lexie an' I are concerned. It didn't even evolve the kitchen.

Awhile later, long after dark, mom took a moment an' realized she hadn't heard or seen either one of us since she closed up the greenhouse. I wasn't in my tower, Lexie wasn't nappin' in the kitchen or on the couch. Neither one of us were in our beds. So, mom went to the back door an' opened it..then proceeded to call us. No answer. She whistled an' called us again. Still no answer. About then, she was startin' to get concerned an' called louder...nothin'....not even Ginger from next door.
Now she was gettin' worried.......really worried....

We were, too.....

Lexie went thru her lil' door to stand on her lil' porch to get a better look to see what mom was lookin' for......an' I finally pushed past mom's legs to see, too........
Still not sure what the emergency was. Lexie an' I were stayin' outa the way an' just nappin' in her room when we heard her open that backdoor. We came right away an' were standin' behind her tryin' to help......but she never turned around.

At least we got a cookie treat outa' it. Maybe I need to write a book., "An Airedale's Guide to Raisin' Mom"

Thursday, February 16, 2017

AHS does Squirrel Rescue

After dinner last nite, I went out to do..well, what I needed to...an' to check the perimeter. Good thing....I found somethin' an' after tryin' to solve it myself, I let out an alert. I couldn't leave it, an' finally dad came out to see what was what. He didn't see anythin' but me tryin' to tear down Mr JD's fence post. He figured I had chased a lil' field mouse or rat into it an' was just tryin' to get at it. So, he made me leave it an' go back in the house.

A couple of hours later, me an' Lexie both confinced mom an' dad that we needed to go out. Dad figured it was a safe be that whatever had learned it's lesson an' had escaped an' (accordin' to mom musta had a brain burb) thought I had forgotten (really?!?).
Anyway, he let us out an' naturally, I zoomed straight across the yard to that back corner. Within seconds, I was back to soundin' an alert....along w/my assistant (cohort) Lexie. We were havin' a fit....a loud fit.

While mom was laughin'...dad grabbed her lite an' a lead an' took off across the yard. (He has a different approach then mom). After a minute or two, he came back in the house w/me. Turned me over to mom an' then headed out after Lexie. When he returned w/her, he told mom about the fence post an' that somethin' must be in there...'cause he could hear somethin'. mom said she wanted to see what we were concerned about. (She knows us...an' even for us, this was a tad unusual).

So, dad took mom out to show her where the problem was. There was somethin' in there alright. Mom could hear it. Dad thought maybe it was a bird...but then mom pointed to the lil' openin' at the bottom an' said she doesn't know of any birds w/red fur. There pokin' at the bottom was a lil' squirrel's paw.

Somehow, he had completely fallen down that hole in the post an' got himself stuck. I had been tryin' for hours to unstuck him...but that post wasn't budgin'. Mom went an' called Mr JD, an' told him that dad was outback an' he had a squirrel stuck in his fence post an' it needed rescuein'. A few minutes later, dad was in the house borrowin' mom's long barbque tongs an' puttin' on his grillin' gloves....he an' Mr JD had a plan.

First, they put a hose down the post, an' the squirrel grabbed on an' climbed out....but when he saw dad an' Mr JD...he ran the wrong way an' got himself stuck in the other part. So, dad tried to grab his tail w/the tongs with the intent to pull him out an' grab him w/the glove....but the squirrel scrunched up his tail an' dad couldn't get to him, all he got was a lil' tuft of tail hair.

Their next plan was to cover the post hole....an' poke him w/the hose from the other end an' make him back out. That worked....he backed himself out, grabbed the edge of the fence w/a death grip, poked his head around, looked at dad an' then hightailed it across our wooden fence to the trees.

Whew! That lil' guy was probably stuck there most of the day an' hours into the nite.. He had almost lost his bark when mom heard him...it was a lil' hoarse an' desperate soundin'... Lexie an' I chase squirrels as they run from tree to tree, even occasionally when they get on the ground. But we've never caught one...not sure if we really want to....it may be all about the chase. But....we do know the sound of distress....an' when somethin' isn't right. When that happens, if we can't fix it, then we're gonna get help. It's nice to know that mom an' dad pay attention.

Don' t mess w/the Routine....

Interesting morning....first off..I was sure dad forgot to set his alarm, so I woke him up at 3:30 am w/one loud "woof"...really close to him.. Needless to say, he got up (I don't have a snooze alarm..& he knew that my paw was ready to give him a lil' "push" if he didn't). 

He let us out & closed the big door.  

Well, it's not like I have a calendar in my pocket. I didn't know he didn't have to go to work. Which woulda' been A-ok in my book, but guess what happened.
 He went back to bed. Not only that, he forgot to open Lexie's lil' doggy door. We were stuck outside!

We waited, we patrolled (Tthere's not much goin' on at that time of mornin'. the Nite varmits have already been out & about & are snoozin...the early mornin' ones haven't gotten up, yet)...we even tried waitin' patiently. Then we got to worryin' about mom. You see, after dad leaves for work...I get up in the big bed w/mom (on dad's pillow) & Lexie stations herself in the doorway, while mom sleeps....totally secure & safe w/us on the job. We didn't know dad was still there...where was mom?...what was going on? It had been almost two hours...this was not right at all! So, I started hollerin' w/Lexie addin' her two cents.

Almost immediately...the big door opened & there was dad. There we were sittin' right on the other side..waitin' for him.   Before he could say or do anything...we zoomed past. Lexie grapped her stuffed puppy (just in case mom needed it for some reason) & we both made a beeline for mom.

There she was ...asleep. Lexie pushed her puppy in mom's face, I jumped up & started sniffin' & kissin' to make sure she was ok. She seemed ok...there seemed to be some muttering..as she told us to lay down & go to sleep. Then she rolled over, ...then started grumblin' about grit on her face when she pulled up on the covers (which was kinda amazin' that she could pull 'em up, since I was layin' across her chest & Lexie was across her legs.)

Then dad tried to get back in bed...I scooted over & managed to get on the edge of his pillow (I was gonna share..kinda). He laid down....then I started wrigglin' & pushin' w/my legs...by the time I was good & comfy..he was barely hangin' on the edge. Mom went back to sleep (w/Lexie's puppy tucked next to her), me & Lexie were snoozin'...but dad..well, he finally gave up & got up. Woo hoo, more room for us!

Monday, February 13, 2017

Pleadin' Not Guilty.....

It was  "Monday" alllll day long.

I was happy when mom came home from the store. Tried to cheer her up, since she was mad at the grocery store that couldn't figure out how to take her free coupons from someone call the Green Giant....so, she just left the stuff there. Then she gets the mail, an' gives me a dirty look....seems the water bill was a tad bit higher...an' for some reason, mom's got a mind like one of them elefants about certain things. Just 'cause I may have, might have, there's no proof it was me.....turned an' left on the water in her sink a couple of times.. (that is my favorite place to get a drink an' the best water ever!!)......but then dad did turn it on for me an' forgot it one time, too.....so, I'm thinkin' maybe I can blame him for the other times....like I said...there's no proof.  
It's all simply circumstantial.....
Really......let's face it, I don't do "self serve" unless I'm desperate.....

Saturday, February 11, 2017

It's the cat's fault

I'm blaming it mostly on that cat...an' maybe the full moon.

It tried to come in our yard (yes, I've told ya'll before it's crazy). We chased it back over the fence...of course. Well, it kinda rained a lil' last nite an' was all drizzly durin' the day. So, that meant things (dirt) was kinda muddy.
I also came to the conclusion that Lexie is short...er.
We spent a lot of time barkin', not only in frustation at not catchin' that cat..but also tellin' it what's gonna happen if we catch it. But, it was kinda late, so mom called us in.
Naturally, we were in a high state of excitement & wanted mom to know of our adventure. I'm pretty sure she figured it out..because first thing she did was stand back, her eyes got really big, & yelled, "nooooooo.....look at your feet!". Then she grabbed Lexie & they were off to the showers. I took a moment & looked at my feet. YUCK! I ran to the shower, too..but mom had Lexie in there first. I have to admit she was in bad shape. Not only was her feet muddy, but her legs, tummy & even her beard. She was almost black all over.
We were in the same place...don't know how she does it. It must be 'cause she's short...er, & wallows in it. I laid there & watched her get soaped up twice comtemplating this. I looked at my feet & again went, "yuck". (I don't like my feet even to be dirty). Finally, mom dried Lexie off, & I almost bumped her outa the way tryin' to get in there & get my feet clean. Mom laughed...just my feet were dirty..not my legs, belly or beard..just feet. She cleaned 'em & dried them w/a towel.
Lexie had been standin' by & watchin' & watin'. As soon as mom gave me the all clear..Lexie & I went straight to mom's bed, pulled back the covers & wallowed in the clean sheets w/our clean feet. Mom wasn't happy....we were clean...but still a lil' damp....good thing she had some dry sheets handy.....an' dad was still up 'cause it was Friday nite.....

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Tunnel job

Mom's learned.....last nite at the first sound of Lexie barkin'...mom was out that door w/her light. Dad didn't have time to deal w/that critter hole at the back fence, an' that's the first place mom looked. (Plus the bushes movin' kinda gave Lexie away). Mom shined her lite down there an' there was just part of a furry butt an' tail stickin' out. The tunnel had tunneled some more.

Mom told Lexie to get outa there (in THAT voice) an' Lexie backed herself outa there real quick, then looked to mom thinkin' mom was gonna help her somehow. Well..surprise surprise...mom did. She went an' got the water hose an' standin' back a lil' in the bushes, she let loose w/the water an' fill that tunnel up.....about half way, she decided that she might oughta get that lite shinin' on her work.....what if whatever Lexie thinks is in there decided havin' his quarters flooded wasn't gonna work for him an' he swam out an' ran to the bushes (mom) for safety. Mom's experienced havin' furry creatures run across her feet before in the dark an' believe you me...she don't like it none.

Anyway, she only had to tell Lexie a couple of times not to even think about checkin' out that water filled muddy hole. Lexie an' I kept an eye on it...an' then did a check of the surroundin' areas....we found nothin' an' when mom declared it "all gone" an' said "everyone in the house"...we were all for it. The excitement was still runnin' high as with all AHS jobs....it was like ol' times w/mom helpin' out w/her lite an' us on the chase...an' typically, when she's involved...we don't actually get to catch anythin'...but in the end, we still get a reward for a job well done....tonite it was big Blue'sBones. So...alls well than ends well......but I do seem to remember her tellin' dad that she's buyin' some quick mix concrete today......

Friday, January 27, 2017

On the job...an' naps....




Mom...mom...why do you even ask...when you hired us, it was with the full understanding that we'd be on duty 24/7. Look at the contract..I've got it right here. That means that if we hear somethin', like this morning at 2 & again at 6, well, we're gonna be out there takin' care of business. We have no control of where the threat may be...in this morning's case, it was in the tree by your bedroom window & then on the roof as it tried to escape. That cold weather that came thru last nite, had them critters all kinds of stirred up.

Just a suggestion...if you took naps in the afternoon, like we do...missin' some in the middle of the night wouldn't be such a big deal for you. Just a thought. In the meantime. Check your contract...AHS is on the job & will always be givin' 100%, day or nite

Saturday, January 21, 2017

10 pm....do you know what your 'dale(s) has been up to?

AHS report.......10 pm....do you know what your 'dale (s) have been up to?....mom doesn't either.

 Can I help it if it started drizzlin' an' we were still tryin' to apprehend what was under the deck...an' Lexie said she'd go under there an' check it out. I'm certainly not gonna stop her...I thought it was a great plan..I was ready for the capture if she actuallly flushed anythin' out. But since there's three sides an' only one of me...it musta gone out one of the other sides...oh well. It was fun. 



Well, for the moment...till we came in to report to mom. I just have a lil' dirty beard..washed that off in the water bowl....an' then I escaped up to my office tower. Lexie...well....sorry, kid...but off to the shower...<countin' up>..I think that's bath number 4 plus one hose off in less then a week..I think she's goin' for the record.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Trainin' Mom an' Dad

Mom thought it was just a fluke this mornin', when Lexie started barkin' an' barkin' an' barkin' in the kitchen. Mom asked her what she wanted..an' of course to show off, Lexie runs over, gives mom a nose poke an' then runs back into the kitchen w/her ears back like lil' pigtails.
Mom follows her into the kitchen an' sees Lexie standin' by one of the food bowls...the left one...it's empty, but the other one has a lil' food in it.

Now, you gotta understand what our set up is. We've got two food bowls on a lil' stand. They're the same..have the same stuff in 'em. We have always been "free fed"..there's food out there for when ever we just get hungry. We eat together all the time...we've never been food agressive or anythin'...you can take a bone outa one of our mouths an' give it to the other...it's ok..we know we'll get somethin'..mom an' dad are always fair w/us..it's no biggee.

For some reason, Lexie likes to wait by the bowl on the left, so when mom's givin' us somethin' from dinner, she'll just usually give it to Lexie on the left (cause that's where she is) an' me on the right..usually in a lil' plate on the floor. Anyway, mom goes an' fills that bowl an' adds a lil' more to the other one. Lexie just takes a lil' bite an' leaves the kitchen, seemingly happy as a lil' clam, leavin' mom standin' there feelin' like she's just been used.

Tonite....Lexie's in the kitchen barkin' an' barkin'. Mom tells dad about this mornin'. He gets up an' goes to the kitchen...then a minute later, he's comin' out w/one of the food bowls to fill up w/some of our food..then takes it back in the kitchen. Lexie takes a bite or two an' follows him back outa the kitchen lookin' very pleased w/herself.

That bowl on the left was empty..but the one on the right still had some. For some reason, Lexie has decided that the bowl on the left is her personal bowl, an' she don't like it..empty. An' by golly, if it is...she's gonna tell somebody an' get it fixed, like right now! I can't believe that mom an' dad are just now noticin' that she's not all cute fur an' fluff...behind that lil' cutsey smile is a crafty calculatin' lil' 'dale...she's never fooled me for a second.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Ahhh....Good Times

Ok...I'm going on record that I did NOT tell Lexie to break into that fenced off corner of our yard. She just went rogue an' did it on her own in her exuberance to catch a thief.


It's another foggy nite outback. Kinda been an' excitin' nite....like ol' times (mom says "NOT!"). First off, there's been lots of sirens, seems there's a fire of some sort down a block or so...an' all kinds of emergency personnel have been comin' an' goin'. Second, we almost caught one of the thieves of mom's oranges. Somethin' has been raidin' 'em at nite. They get 'em off the trees an' strew 'em all over the yard, takin' just a few bites. The top suspects are r'coons an' 'possums...probably both...they do it to the grapefruit trees, too. We have more fruit on the ground then on the trees.


Anyway, we'd been out patrollin' for awhile. Nice an' quiet like...which makes mom nervous. Then I came inside an' gave mom a big nosepoke. I was alone. Mom asked me where Lexie was...an' I pointed to outside. Mom started gettin' that squinty eye thing as she got up an' opened the back door.
As soon as Lexie heard the backdoor open...she started hollarin'...from waaaayyyy back in the farthest corner. Mom grabbed her big lite an' followed me to where Lexie was makin' all that noise.


There she was, all lit up by mom's big lite....glad to see us, too....on the other side of the chain link fence...stuck. She sat an' looked up at mom...mom stood there shinin' her lite on Lexie...not sayin' a word. Me? I was just standin' there...well, not too close...not takin' a chance on guilt by association....I was tryin' more for a "not my fault, it was all her idea".


Now, I don't know if you know how a chain link fence/gate works. There's this big metal post that goes in the ground...then a long metal pipe that goes across the chain...then a thingee that has a hole for both to connect 'em. It's really held by tension...they have to fit perfectly. Then there's the gate w/the latch. Lexie managed to undo all that.


Almost midnite, foggy, an' mom's rebuilding a fence mostly in the dark...(she says she's gonna make me learn how to hold her lite if we keep this kind of work up). In the meantime, Lexie's runnin' around us w/her nose in the air an' barkin'...insisitin' that somethin's still back there.

Mom's not impressed at this point....an' tells us both to go to the house. I'm done...an' ahead of 'em both. I figure I'm still the good one. In fact, I grabbed my ball an' tried to engage mom in a game when she came in the house.
She wasn't in the mood...in fact, she kinda stormed thru the house to her bathroom, came back w/a towel......because Lexie decided to take a quick dip in the pond on her way back to the house an' was soaked.

Ahhhh....good times.....(mom's still sayin', "NOT!"). :)

Monday, January 16, 2017

If it goes out...it's gotta come back in...

Just another typical nite at our house. Mom gets up to put on her shoes & one of 'em is missing. Dad puts his shoes on & goes to get a flashlite, a black shoe isn't gonna be easy to find at 10 pm at ntie. We all congregate at the back door.

Then mom takes off her one shoe & shows it to Lexie (go figure, the suspected culprit), & tells Lexie to go get her shoe & bring it back in the house. Lexie takes off into the nite, dad just laughs. But about a minute later, here she comes...w/mom's shoe. She dives thru her lil' doggy door & heads for the kitchen. Mom gives her a bacon strip & then picks up her shoe. She don't even care it's all wet. Dad is still amazed. Little does he know, we do this all the time. Mom thinks that if we can drag it outside...by golly we can bring it back inside...& she tells us to do it, too.

Needless to say, Lexie does a lot more of this "bringin' stuff back" than I do, lol. She's always takin' stuff outside.

After that, we go out to play some more & Lexie decides to do some nite time pond diving. When she comes in the house, dad locks her outa the bedroom...so I guess she ain't gonna be doin' any snugglin' tonite w/dad. I still don't understand why I got locked out, too.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Who needs "cardio"?

Mom says she don't need to do any cardio workout...she's got us...specifically, Lexie. 

The neighbor across the street was tellin' mom that Harley (the red lab) got hit by a car on the really busy 4 lane road at the end of our block. (It was just a matter of time since he was always out runnin' loose, & he was very lucky) He's ok, ended up w/just a $600 vet bill & stitches on his head. 

With that in the back of mom's mind, we start out for our walk. 
Just me, mom & Lexie. 

Before she even opens the door, she always tells us to "wait". An' we sit & wait for the door to open. Even after she opens the door, we have to "wait". Lexie is always so excited, she actually vibrates while waiting for the "ok".

Mom, says "ok",  & out we go, w'mom closin' the door behind us. .........Lexie keeps goin'....her lead had slipped outa mom's hand! Me & mom are still on the porch, Lexie is trottin' off down the yard, headed for the street. Mom, calls out, "Lexie...what do you do?" (as calm as she can, which is really hard when she wants to scream),  Lexie hears her & when she gets to the edge of the driveway, she plops her butt down, w/ her lead trailin' behind her. But when she sees us start toward her, she pops back up all excited thinkin' it's ok to continue on...., but she's undecided which way to go. She's startin' to bounce & spin all excited. Mom stops, & then calls her (again, tryin' very hard to just sound normal...but I can hear a lil' squeak of panic).  Then she & I head across the yard, between our house and the next & back to our side fence. Lexie sees us go there, but then we were outa sight...so she runnnnns to where we are. Mom points to the corner & tells her to "look". (I looked, too, but diddn't see anything but old brown leaves). When Lexie goes to "look", mom grabs her lead.

Whew!!! What a way to start our walk! Lexie is still excited & has no clue that anything was amiss. Me? All this time, I'm just trailin' around w/mom watchin' all this & wishin' we could just get on w/our walk. (she has my lead tied around her left hand w/a death grip, that I think was totally unnessary). I'm pretty sure it took about 3 blocks before mom's heart & blood pressure was back to normal. I had a great walk...Lexie, still clueless, but happy as usual.