Friday, July 28, 2017

Scarred for Life





Mom....I'm turnin' in an official accident report. 

Well, more like a workman's comp report. 

No...it didn't happen here. Actually, it happened on our walk yesterday. I think that should still count. 

Remember when we were walkin' by that nutcase dog that lives on the corner? He & his yard buddy charged the fence & tried to get Lexie? 

I made her get out of the way & was gonna take care of him? 

We were havin' a slight altercation at that hole he made in his fence, before you made me "leave it" & just sit & think about it for a minute. Then we moved on.


Wellllll....just look at my nose! 


It's drivin' me crazy..my tongue has been goin' non stop lickin' it.  

Now look at it! I've got a pink scratch, right down the right side of it!   I'm scarred...possisbly for life!  I'll have to move from the perfectly handsome catagory to the "ruggedly" handsome one.  

Oh..I know the first thing you're gonna say, "I told you so! & to leave those rude dogs alone & stay away from holes in fences"..I know, I know, I know...but still...sometimes, you gotta understand...airedales don't back down from nothin'. He started it! I wanna file a complaint or somethin'!!!  I deserve compensation!

....in the meantime..can I borrow your black marker?

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mornin' Restart......

All I can say is ...we did our job. AHS at it's best.

Dad let us out, before he left for work....about 3-3:30am. Lexie an' I were out there for awhile......oh, he heard us barkin'...an' called us in. That's when we did a lil' tag teamin' him. First, I came in....Lexie started barkin'...so, I went back out...an' then she came in. Dad got mom's lite an' went out to call me....so, Lexie came back out.

Then dad walked around lookin' for us an' could only see "black n' tan" flashes go by as he "wandered" around the the yard w/mom's lite. He finally gave up an' came back into the house, only to find us layin' in our bed, lol. 

When mom got up, she got her coffee an' opened up the "outside". We ran out, an' she followed....or at least started to. Right there in front of Lexie's lil' porch...was a possum...a kinda ...how to say it....hmmm...."playin' possum perpetually"?. An' on Lexie's porch....a couple of very clean avocado pits.
Turnin' around, mom took her coffee back in the house...mutterin' that this wasn't her idea of how to start her day....especially without even havin' that first cup of coffee. Hey....I don't know what her complaint was....we left it all outside.


So, she gets her lil' shovel an' scoops up the possum..then put it in the big brown paper bag she's been puttin' lil' limb cuttings in. Then puts the bag out on the curb for the trash mens.


After that...she tries to start her mornin' again....gets her coffee, goes outside...we go out there to do another patrol....it all goes pretty good....as far as she's concerned, 'cause it was uneventful.
We all go back in the house.....an' she gets busy doin' stuff. Lexie an' I settle in for a nice nap.


We all hear a rumblin'....mom looks outside...an' it's pourin' down rain. She looks out front, an' sees her brown paper bag w/the possum gettin' soaked an' lookin' deflated. She can just imagine them trash mens pickin' it up an' the bottom fallin' out....along w/that possum.


While Lexie an' I watch from the window....there's mom in her boat jacket w/hood carryin' a big black plastic trash bag traipsin' out in the pourin' rain to "rebag" that bag. When she came back inside, she headed for the kitchen for another cup of coffee....statin' that she's gonna try to start her day over.....again..

..
Lexie an' I relocated to the chair an' couch to restart our naps.....

Friday, June 9, 2017

Time to Bring out the Big Guns

June 9, AHS report

Did what I thought was a routine security escort for mom, when she went to close her greenhouse. (She's now referrin' to it as the "tomater vault". She opens it up durin' the day, but locks all them 'tomater plants up at nite for security reasons). 

 I don't know about your moms, but mine...once she gets outside, she very seldom goes from point A to B. She went into the green house, came back out w/a lil' spray bottle....an' headed back towards the patio. Seems she saw somethin' was makin' the leaves curl on her lil' lime tree.
 
When she got there, I heard a gasp an' some adult words. Then she reached in an' plucked a lime that had been gnawed on. As she held it up to show me...I had no time to look...I spied the perp makin' a getaway...an' I was after him. He ran behind mom's pots, but I headed him off...he ran back the other way...but I was ahead of him (an' yes, mom was still standin' there w/that gnawed lemon in one hand an' that spray bottle in the other an' thankfully stayin' outa my way...for a change).

Once more, I almost got him..but then he ran up a branch an' got on that fence rail.
I ran along the fence as fast as I could....but then...he went up a tree an' sat, of all places...on the tippy top of mom's greenhouse! Just sittin' up there....mom could see him....I backed way up...an' I could see him. 

 Then mom looked at him...got that squinty eye look she gets..an' looked at her lime. That big rat was lookin' back at both of us...He really shouldn't have done that...mom took it as a..."nah nah nah...you can't get me!". I didn't like it either...an' told it so..loudly! But there it sat...right on the top of mom's greenhouse...just sittin' there...starin' at us.

Well, like I said...mom had that squinty eyed look an' that usually means somethin' not good for somebody. She went back to the house, hollared at dad to get her pellet gun..an not to shoot her greenhouse. 

 Dad doesn't even question mom about stuff anymore..he's learned over the years. He just went an' got it, while me an' mom an' the rat had a stare off. (I've told ya'll before about mom not goin' halfway about stuff). When he came outside...mom showed him her gnawed lime an' pointed to the rat. There was a lil' "pop" an' we all watched the rat roll down the other side of the greenhouse. 

 I took off & went behind the greenhouse an' found it. I sure wasn't starin' back anymore. I did drag it out from between the shed an' the greenhouse, so dad could dispose of it. Mom gave me a big chunk of cheese for a job well done. (an' she did tell dad he did a good job, too, especially since he didn' shoot a hole in her greenhouse.)

Where was my assistant, Lexie? Snoozin' in mom's bed...she missed the whole thing!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Mom's got the itchies.....

Well...three times is a charm. Mom took herself over to a big clinic, today. Since the first one didn't do anythin' for her, & the second one was incompetent an' gave her a low dose med that wouldn't do her any good. She tried to go to her doctor, only to find out that since she hadn't been to see him, he dropped her & she'd have to come in as a new patient...an' he's not takin' any new patients. (That don't even make sense to me).  She was kinda upset by this since he's been her doctor for upteen years. She just don't believe in goin' to a doctor if you're not sick....you might catch somethin' there. She can't help it if she's relatively healthy. She said she'd go to a dr more often if they could make her young & skinny....an' actually see you at your appointment time.

 Anyways, she had another terrible night of not bein' able to sleep 'cause of the itchies. Her face...well, she don't look like herself w/all that red stuff all over it an' it all swollen...so's her neck an' still her arms. You'd think she had mange.  She's never been allergic to anythin'...ever!  But guess what....that funny vine in the back corner she was clearin' out...well, it turns out to be some kind of poison ivy or oak.  She say's it must be some kind of mutant strain 'cause of all the pollution....stuff like that's never bothered her before an' she's been around those things before an' they've never bothered her.  

Anyway, s
o, she went over to the big 24hr clinic, the same one she went to when that cat chomped down on her hand. They saw her right away, knew what her problem was and gave her some strong meds to take. The best thing....the doctor an' the nurses told her that she should be lookin' an' feelin' better in just a couple of days.

 I've been tryin' to take care of her...but she said that when I lick her booboos it makes 'em itch more, but she appreciates me hangin' out on the couch w/her. The way I figure it, takin' care of her is more important then bein' up in my tower watchin' the neighborhood. Even Lexie has been hangin' around, too. An' just 'cause mom has a snack tray set up has nothin' to do w/it, either. :)

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Cocktail sausage

You know those lil' sausage dogs? Well, today on our walk there was a cocktail sausage dog, he was that lil'. We was walkin' by this house & in their garage was these lil' dogs. The fuzzy one was loud & rude. He was makin' all kinds of noise. Lexie did her abrupt stop, where she faces the noise w/one paw up, & you can tell she's thinkin' about tellin' 'em off. But I guess she decided that it wasn't worth the trouble, he was stayin' in his garage & was kinda small, anyway. 
So, we continue on...when all a sudden..out comes this tiny lil' brown weiner dog, waggin' his tail. He comes right up to me. Ok...I'll give him a sniff. We get nose to nose, he wags his tail some more, I try not to step on him...but I gotta go. I mark the bush by his driveway...kinda like a callin' card..and we continue on.

 Uh oh...me & Lexie both stop & look back...he's following us. He's not supposed to do that. Where's his people? Nowhere in sight. Dad says, he'll get bored & go home. We continue on some more. I stop, again & look back. He's still followin' me. I leave some marks here & there (kinda like bread crumbs, he can follow them back to his house is what I'm thinkin'). After about 4 or 5 houses...he looked like he was headed back.

Two things I don't understand....
One-why was he just loose to run around? He was so little,  an' his legs were so short...they just looked like feet, no legs there at all...how could he get away from any danger?  There's no way he could outrun anythin'..an' he's snack size.   
Two- Why do lil' dogs always want to pal around w/me & the big dogs always want to challenge me? I just don't get it. Lexie thinks it's hilarious

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Drones

You wonder why you've seen a drone over our yard twice? Really? 





I've suspected you've been under some kind of surveillance for some time....probably because of your big lite in the middle of the nite. 
Oh, I know you're gonna blame us...but you have to be honest....we're usually doin' fine an' handlin' stuff w/out your help. 
An' then's there's the possible disposable of bodies site....they may have you on that....but I'm pretty sure this time it's 'cause your "lil' garden" looks a lot like a real burial site....for like a person.....just sayin'....


An'...by the way.....although we/ve got your back...an' AHS has a sterling rep.....you do have to admit that you "go outside the lines" sometimes.



Thursday, April 20, 2017

So close...yet so far



Last nite, mom thought all of us goin' to bed early would be a good idea. Well....you know that sayin' about "best-laid plans of mice and men..."?


Mom let us out, since it hadn't rained for awhile an' she hoped the water had gone down in the backyard. I came right back....of course, Lexie got distracted.

Me an' mom both heard her yellin' her head off in the back corner....I looked at mom to make sure she was aware that we had a AHS situation...then I took off, assured mom knew.

Mom came out w/her big lite to the back corner, where me an' Lexie were. I was warnin' the perp, while Lexie was workin' on access. Mom shut us both down.

She shined her lite, didn't see nothin' but the hole under the back fence behind our horse fence (just in sight, but yet, so far). Then she told us to go back in the house. We both took off...again knowin' that it was long gone once mom showed up.
Mom saw me peel off to take care of some "business" behind a tree. When she got to the house, she stood at the backdoor, callin' me. Finally, after me nudgin' her, she realized I was standin' behind her...in the house. An' Lexie wasn't in the house, an' she had headed for it ahead of both of us.
So, mom started callin' Lexie. Lexie came runnin' super fast into the house....splashin' the whole way, an' leavin' puddles in her wake. On the way to the house, she decided to go for a skinny dip in the pond. Naturally, the first place she went was in dad's big chair...gettin' it soaked. Mom yelled at her to get down....got towels an' started tryin' to dry stuff off...then gave up an' got more towels an' started to dry off Lexie...then everythin' else.


Me?....I was just tryin' to stay outa the spray an' wonderin' when mom was gonna give me my reward....after all...I was the good one...again.