Just doin' my Job, ma'm

Geez...mom get her undies in a bunch over the lil'ist things. I was just doin' my job. Lexie an' I noticed that a wasp had gotten into the house last nite....we lost track of it when he hid in the ceiling fan. Well, I didn't forget about it this mornin', an' was keepin' an eye out for him to surface. Sure 'nuff....he came flyin' out in the livin' room. I followed him till he got within' reach....an' "BAM!!!" I smashed him against the big glass window on the backdoor w/my paw. Hit him hard enough that he fell to the floor, where I proceeded to carefully snap at him till he was no longer a danger to anyone. (I hate wasps an' bees).  

Anyway, I haven't seen mom move that fast in the mornin' in a long time. That window isn't even cracked...an' I eliminated a serious threat in the house.......don't see what the big deal was. Maybe she was just outa coffee....after she picked up my flat wasp, she did fix herself another cup......an' gave me biscuit.

Black Friday

Can you just imagine the thoughts goin' thru my head when I saw mom traipsin' across the street down to some stanger's house where there was a crowd?  They had stuff all over their driveway havin' somekind of sale, an' peoples were drivin' up an' parkin' all up an' down my street.  I sure as heck hadn't cleared any of them..an' there was mom....all by herself ...goin' over there.  Oh...I hollar'd at her to come back here (sound familiar?),but she ignored me an' kept on traipsin'...Lexie even added her two cents from the front door...mom ignored her, too.

I was on high alert...standin' up on my big bed in my tower...strainin' to keep an eye on her....worried about how I was gonna save her if somebody did somethin'....whew...was I relieved when she started back towards the house.    I even had to hollar at her that I was gonna be right at the front door an' for her to not dawdle..to come straight home.   Just in case somebody tried to follow her, Lexie an' I both let out warnin's...to let 'em know that was our mom an' they better not try anythin'...   (Personally, I think Lexie was just mad, 'cause she thought mom went on a walk w/out her).

Anyway, mom made it back home safely, an' she was carryin' some kind of big iron deer candle holder thingee...she proudly exclaimed she had done her Black Friday shoppin'....she got that an' a big mirrored lighted curio cabinet for the grand total of $22.   I gave that candle holder a few sniff...still not sure if it was worth all the aggravation I went through.   She didn't bring the cabinet home...she planned on surprisin' dad about that when he got home so he could go get it.  "

Then feelin' good about her bargains...she did venture out to Petsmart an' got us new beds an' a bunch of treats all half price.  (We're not s'posed to know about the treat, 'cause we watched her hide 'em in the closet, lol)  She said there wasn't any crowd or traffic (& it wasn't at the crack of dawn), she's not sure that really qualified as Black Friday shopping.....the garage sale had a bigger crowd.   But she did say if it did qualify...then it was worth it..'cause it was for us...an' since we've always got her back...even when she goes off on her own w/out our permission....she's willing to brave the maddenin' nutty crowds on Black Friday.

Standards

Well dad came home from work, after stoppin' at the grocery store for mom on his way home.   I always like to check out stuff from the store...especially if it has to do w/anything in the fridge...you never know when they're lookin' to get rid of a bit of this or that as they load it up w/new stuff.

Anyway, I was just sittin' there in the doorway, observin' dad as he was puttin' the eggs in there.   All of a sudden...PLOP!....yep, he dropped one on the floor an' it went splat.  There was no puttin' that one back together.   He looked at me...I looked at him then back at that splatted egg..then at mom.....I didn't move, I wasn't movin'...an' above all..I didn't do it...I looked at dad.  

Then he started pickin' up the big pieces of shell....an' I'm still just observin'.   He pointed to that splatted egg an' asked me if I wanted it.....

ME EAT OFF THE FLOOR?  Is he crazy?    Guess he forgot who he was talkin' to.  About then, Lexie came into the kitchen to see what was what.  She figured out right away what was goin' on, an' was on that egg splat like white on rice.   Within' seconds, it looked like mom had mopped. Clean as a whistle....I tell you, I defy any forensic expert to find anything after Lexie's through w/cleanin' it.
Mom gave me some cheese.....she knows me...I have a little more discerning palate then Lexie does...as well as standards..an' we know what kind she's got.

Again....Me, eat an' lick off the floor?.....phffffttttt

Dark an' Foggy Nite........

It was a dark an' stormy nite....not exactly, it was more like a dark an' foggy nite where everythin' gets really still.

Dad worked late an' when he came home, I greeted him like usual....but no Lexie.   She was out back doin' somethin'.   He went an' changed into his loungin' jammies from his work clothes.   When he came back into the livin' room, mom asked him where Lexie was.  It's super unusual for her not to greet dad when he comes home late.  She usually beats me to him, an' we usualy have a lil' scufflin' goin' on to see who can get to him first.

Mom's alarm bell in her head went off....she went to the back door an' started whistlin' an' callin' Lexie.   Dad even tried....but there was nada...nothin' ....no Lexie.

Mom grabs her big lite an' tells me to "find Lexie".  We both head outside.  Dad only goes to the patio 'cause he's barefooted  & in his jammies (he dont' have the nite time jammie experience that mom does).  I race ahead to check our our favorite corner, mom follows a lil' slower.  She's walkin' w/all that foggy stuff swirlin' around her feet an' shinin' her lite in a big circle.   Dad calls out to mom askin' if she sees her.  Mom says "no"...then dad goes back an' gets mom crocky shoes, she keeps by the back door,  an' comes out to help look.

By then mom's made it past the big grapefruit tree an' is shinin' her lite across the back.  It's pretty foggy, but it's mostly layin' in a mistly like layer over the ground.  Her alarm bells have now turned into a lil' panic.....a true code 10.   All kinds of scenarios are goin' thru her head.....Lexie layin' hurt (have no idea how that could happen),  a giant hole in the fence (only if someone sawed a big hole in it, an' I'm sure one of us woulda' made some noise about that), Lexie floatin' in her pond (as if...mom's reachin' for straws here)...or someone took her (again, as if....there's no way someone could even get in our yard much less grab one of us).   It was just too quiet...an' no Lexie.   I hadn't found her either, but I did find a mouse in dad's tractor.  Mom said that wasn't helpin'.

All of a sudden outa the misty fog, there's Lexie.....w/a huge possum in her mouth.  She's got her head held way back an' that thing was still draggin' the ground.  Mom calls her...an' then of all things (it was outa her mouth before she could take it back) tells Lexie to, "bring it".   Bein' fresh from her successful quail huntin' experience, Lexie did just that.  Mom's goin', "oh..nonononono..no" as Lexie heads straight for mom w/this huge critter.  I don't think' mom's eyes have ever gotten that big before.   It was like time stood still, as mom's mind scurried to figure out how to touch/not touch that possum since Lexie was "bringin'" it to mom as she told her to.

There was Lexie right there in front of mom w/her possum...waggin' her tail for catchin' it an' bringin' it to mom.  She was just so proud of herself.  Mom was still in the "what to do mode"...finally, she told Lexie how proud she was of her an' to "leave it".  Lexie was still holdin' it waitin' for mom to take it or to at least pet her for doin' a great job.  Mom didnt' want to take it, an' she was a lil' hesitant to pet Lexie since that thing was "right there".   Me an' dad were just hangin' back watchin' the show.

Mom, graspin' at straws again, told Lexie how good she was an' to go in the kitchen for a cookie.  Lexie liked that idea....an' immediately headed for the house....w/the possum still in her mouth.  Again...mom's goin'..."noooo nooo nooo...." an' is on her heels.  Hopin' against hope that she wasn't gonna find Lexie an' the possum in her kitchen.  (Lexie does like to negotiate w/trade).

Whew!   As mom, me an' dad got to the house, there was Lexie sittin' on the patio waitin'...w/her possum layin' there on the ground.  You coulda felt the relief from mom...an' then the shudderin' "yuck" at the site of that critter & his  teeth. Just the thought of it layin' on her kitchen floor like it was layin' there still gives her chills.

Lexie wasn't happy when mom grabbed her collar an' took her in the house.  She wanted to stay out there w/that possum.   Mom made sure that she made a big deal about how good Lexie was an' rewarded her w/a big bacon chew.  Dad got a shovel, & I helped by escortin' him across the back to dispose of the possum.   I was ready if it tried to bail (that's happened to mom, before).  No one was sure if it was playin' possum or not....an' no one was willin' to examine it, either.  Lexie's never gotten one this big before, so it was a 50/50 deal.  

When we got back to the house, mom opened the doggy door an' Lexie zoomed outside.  Lexie an' I did a thorough seach of the yard to make sure it was critter free, then went back to the house to find mom an' dad sittin' on the couch countin' their blessin's.   Lexie was safe.  She remembered not to take critters in the house.   Mom didn't have to touch it.   An' I didn't catch the mouse to add anymore excitement.

Once again...alls well that ends well........

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