Monday mornin' ......

Eh......it's Monday....we got up super early w/dad....so, besides it bein' Monday....we've got another excuse for sleepin' in.......oh, an' we can always use the time change thingee....it's not really as late as mom thinks....it's only 9am really...not 10am......







Besides...if Lexie's takin' the mornin' off.....so, am I!!!!!

You gotta know when to call it.......

Last nite was ...well, different....first mom spilled a whole bunch of oil down herself when she was in the kitchen. So, she ended up spendin’ dinner an’ the rest of the evenin’ in her jammies. She said the oil part was messy...but she had to admit it was comfy sittin’ on the couch watchin’ tv in her jammies. An’ she wasn’t gonna have to take much time gettin’ ready for bed........ha ha ha...oh what plans she makes.
After dad went to bed an’ mom cleaned up the kitchen, she let us out for our “last call”. She was busy on the c’mputer answerin’ messages, when Lexie burst into the livin’ room all excited. She grabbed her stuffed puppy on the way as she ran up to mom all wiggly. Then she was givin’ that puppy a furious death shake & makin’ all kinds of noises. Mom was laughin’ an’ thought Lexie wanted to play. She got up an’ moved toward Lexie, thinkin’ she was gonna grab the puppy an’ throw it to her..but noooo, Lexie gave it some more shakes, then dropped it....gave herself a spin an’ barked at mom. Then did a couple of hops an’ ran up to mom an’ grabbed her arm. She tried to tug her toward the door. Finally, mom got the message an’ followed. 

Lexie gave mom one last look as she bolted out her lil’ door. Mom opened the backdoor an’ stepped out w/her lite. She barely had time to catch a glimpse of what direction Lexie took off to, but the sounds of me in the back corner....an’ then Lexie joinin’ in gave her a clue. We were in the farthest corner of the yard.........an’ obviously had a situation. (not sure what mom’s first clue was....Lexie did everythin’ except right it out for her what was goin’ on).

So.....mom comes traipsin’ out int he dark in her jammies w/her lite. (She’s convinced one day one of the neighbors is gonna set up a nite time camera an’ film her an’ send it into some crazy video show one day). 

She found us just where she thought she would. At that back corner....at the same tree....probably w/that same ol’ possum that has been tauntin’ us for weeks. We were stymied....he was up on that branch right over our 8 foot fence...no way for us to get at him. We were sure mom would find a way.
First, she found a long piece of pipe an’ tried to shoo an’ then push him off the limb on the other side of the fence into the field. It was a good plan....she was able to get him to the other end of the branch, but he kept grabbin’ her pole an’ had a deathlike grip on the branch. The plan wasn’ workin’....she’s not 8 foot tall an’ really couldn’t get her pole at the right angle to do much shooin’ or pushin’ really.
Her next brilliant plan was to just go get her big clippers an’ cut the branch off, lettin’ it an’ the possum fall over the other side of the fence into the field. (She was a lil’ ticked that she had to work to get her pipe away from the possum w/out him comin’ too). 

So, off she went across the yard to her greenhouse to get her clippers....in her jammies...in the middle of the nite. I stayed watch on the possum an’ Lexie escorted mom....who was doin’ quiet a bit of mutterin’ at this point. 

Back w/the clippers, mom set her lite upside down an’ wedged it so it’d shine up at the branch. The possum had inched a lil’ closer to the fence...guess he wanted to see what she was gonna do next. I gave him a stern warnin’ not to come any closer. Then mom took them clippers & with her arms outstreatched, the clipper blades on the branch, the lite shinin’ up, the possum watchin’....me an’ Lexie holdin’ our breath actually hopin’ that possum would fall on our side of the fence...she started cuttin’...
...
Then stopped.

The clipper blades were stuck in the branch...she couldn’t get ‘em out....she couldn’t get a strong enough grip to get ‘em to cut thru the branch....they were just hangin’ there over her head. There we stood.....mom, me, Lexie an’ the possum lookin’ at a pair of long red clipper handles hangin’ from a lil’ oak branch. 

There comes a time that you’ve just gotta know when to call it a draw...not a defeat...just not a win.......mom looked at us..an’ told us we did a great job..an’ “how about some cookies for a reward...everybody to the kitchen!”. Lexie an’ I agreed, an’ we raced to the kitchen. There’ll be other opportunities to get that possum...but he won’t be able to escape on that branch, again. When dad got home from work the next mornin’....mom told him she had a job for him...first to get her clippers outa’ a tree....an’ to take a chainsaw an’ cut a big limb. He didn’t even ask why those clippers were danglin’ like that....or why she needed that limb cut.....maybe he don’t want to know, lol.

The Squeaky Wheel doesn't always get the Grease.....

Mom an' dad had spaghetti for dinner, an' me an' Lexie waited......that's our thing...we wait until they're finished to even hope for any leftovers. An' mom knows that spaghetti is our very very favortist thing!! So, after they finished, we waited by our bowls, knowin' mom would be sure to give us some. 

Sure, nuff....she did. We each got a scoop of spaghetti an' even a lil' piece of that garlic toast. It was awesome! We loved it!

Afterwards, I went an' laid down on my bed on the other side of dad. Lexie did some snoopin' in the kitchen an' then went an laid down on the couch, on the other side of dad.

After about a minute...guess she was mullin' thin's over...Lexie started complainin', demandin', downright insistin'....she discovered there was lots more spaghetti durin' her lil' snoopin' session....an' it was right there in that big pot on the stove. She was MAD! I listened for a bit...then tried to chime in that she was right...an' then tried to tell her that mom wasn't gonna give us anymore. But Lexie wouldn't listen..she stood up on the couch an' just got louder....dad started laughin'....I, again, tried to tell her that mom even said that was all we were gettin'....mom was just shakin' her head an' told dad that she sure was glad that she wasn't in the middle of all that barkin'.

Oh....an' btw....we didn't get anymore spaghetti, either. Just goes to show Lexie that thin's are back to normal, an' she doesn't always get her way. 

An' I'm not gonna tell her that mom slipped me a lil' bit of her cookie for tryin' to calm Lexie down...an' for bein' the "good one". ha ha ha

Procedure for those Black n' White Striped Cats

AHS procedure for those "black n' white" striped cats known as "skunks"_

Persona non grata!! First of all, they are mostly nocternal...which means they come out at nite time to try to tresspass in your territory. An' they are tricky an' absolutely not wanted around the homestead by your mom or dad. They are almost always distinguished by their black w/a white stripe down their back....pure sign of a criminal...an' their scent is decidedly stinky. Chase an' evade is about all you can do w/those guys, since they use biological weapons. It's a catch twenty two situation....you can chase an' even capture....but...once you catch 'em...you can never put 'em down...not ever! They can never "lock, load, an' shoot" unless they have "all four on the floor" an' take aim. Once they do that....it's all over but the baths. It's a tricky situation all around.....your folks don't want 'em around at all.....but they don't want you to chase 'em off......what to do....well, this is one of those situations that you have to decide if it's better to ask forgiveness (be sure an' look pitiful)...or ask permission (not ever gonna happen).

If you do happen to forget an' let 'em get "all four on the floor" an' get sprayed.  Oh my gosh, that stuff is almost lethal.  It'll burn your eyes an' nose like pepper spray..only it smells worse.  You won't even be able to stand yourself.  An' your mom n' dad....well, let's just say they'll hardly be able to stand you, either, an' will have you in a bath before you can even attempt to rub it off yourself. 
Tomater juice don't work.  It'll only make you look like you were involved in some kind of slaughter. 

This is the recipe for gettin' "DeSkunked" for your mom or dad (whoever lost the bet an' has to bathe you)

1 Qt 3% hydrogen peroxide

1/4 cup baking soda

1 tsp. liquid soap  (like Dawn)                                                                                

 First pour the peroxide into a large container (like a water pitcher), add the baking soda, and stir. After they've mixed, add the soap and mix again. From there you can just sponge the mixture onto your dog, taking care to keep it out of their eyes. Wait five minutes so the mixture can do its job and absorb the smell, then thoroughly rinse off your dog. The skunk smell will disappear, never to return—at least until your dog has another encounter.

Security Detail

Mom an' dad took us for a lil' walk around the neighborhood. Not much goin' on....guess it was dinner time for everybody. Didn't even see any cats...an' I've got to tell you, Lexie was ziggin' an' zaggin' tryin' to look for one under all the cars an' around bushes. Dad even made the comment she was actin' like a wild child, lol. 

We did pass a guy mowin' his yard, an' mom had us walkin' in the street since he was right by his sidewalk. Lexie didn't care for that...she insisted on gettin' back on the sidewalk as soon as we could. Mom thought that was good that she knows she isn't s'posed to ever be in the street.
I don't zig an' zag that much...I've got my security persona on. After all, in our neighborhood, ya never know what's gonna happen...an' in the past it has. An'...I've got the whole family to watch out for.

Dad said he was impressed at how I can "bulk up" an' look bigger then I am. Actually, don't know what he was talkin' about...I'm just me. Mom laughed at that, an' said if I was bein' so "noble an' professional" why did I insist on poopin' in someone's front yard everytime we go on a walk? Well, I'll tell you....I'm makin' a statement. I just have no idea why she insists on removin' my statement an' takin' it back home w/us. 

We did have a moment that I got to show off my skills. There were some cars parked across the sidewalk, an' we had to go around. First dad an' Lexie went around 'em...then me an' mom. There were somepeople sittin' an' standin' around a bench by the sidewalk. All of a sudden, out from under that bench came a growlin' lungin' dog. He was tryin' his hardest to get at me an' mom...well, you can just imagine my reaction. I was gonna convince him that wasn't a good idea......mom was surprised an' only had my lead wrapped around her left arm an' hand....an' a bag w/my poop (again, why?) in the other. She pulled me back w/me still pretty mad, but we continued on down the sidewalk....w/me lookin' back every now an' again to make sure that yorkie stayed put.

Dark as Nite......

It was dark as night....an' I'm not just talkin' about the fact that dad got up at 2:30 in the mornin' to go to work......an' in turn woke me an' Lexie up. After all, it wasn't even dawn, yet.

We got up.....went outside 'cause he said, too. Bein' curious as to why he was up so early, we didn't stay out very long. Lexie went to the kitchen an' started demandin' a cookie.....I went to the stairs an' demanded he remove the gate an' let me in my tower. He managed to give in to both demands pretty quickly, lol.

I went up to my tower....an' had just settled in to begin my surveillance when I saw it! Like I said...dark as nite, blendin' into the darkness, layin' right smack dab in the middle of our front yard. Like he owned the place. NOT!!

I immediately stood up an' roared a warnin'! He heard me alright....there was no mistakin' what I was sayin', either. Even dad could tell this was no cat warnin' (I do warn the stray cats to stay off my street). He didn't even try to tell me to quiet down......I heard him open the front door an' step out to see what kind of threat we had. An' then he saw it!...now standin' in the middle of our front yard.

I watched for a few seconds, till I saw dad steppin' away from the front porch an' towards that big rottweiler....then I really roared!....warnin' that guy that he better leave an' not even think about gettin' close to my dad! That rottie took my promises (I don't threaten) to heart an' moved outa my front yard to Ginger's front yard.

Dad just watched him for a minute.....an' noticed that he was draggin' what looked like a long lead...an' on the end of it was a big stake.

Don't know if he was tied up in his own yard....or someone saw him wandering around an' staked him out in their yard for his own good. ....In any case...he was out an' about on his own. None of us have ever seen a rottweiler in our neighborhood. Dad said he seemed friendly an' looked like he was waitin' for dad to call him...but when dad didn't, he continued on down the street.

Just as well, as far as I'm concerned.....everytime we'd go to the big PetFest, there were hundreds of dogs...an' the only ones that ever tried to attack me, were rottweilers...don't know why...but they seemed to have a real aversion to airedales for some reason. So, I don't particularly trust 'em. An' I'm sure as heck not gonna let one invade my house!....afterall, mom was still asleep an' who knows, maybe he was waitin' on friends to mount a home invasion or somethin'......I dunno, but I'm markin' this down as another quick an' positive resolution by AHS! Once again, the homestead is safe!

I don't make threats.....just promises

"tap, tap, tap, tap"..........mom had me in the kitchen to fix her mistakes on my haircut. Like that lil' tuft of hair on the right on the top of my head......we heard that, she looked at me...I looked at her. Then she looked out the kitchen window an' didn't see anthin'. So, we both ignored it. Sometimes Bozo knocks on the wall w/his beak...maybe that was it.

A few minutes go by.....then, "tap, tap, tap, tap"....not loud at all. We both look at each other...that wasn't Bozo. Mom still doesn't see any vehicle in front of the house.....she's not expecting anyone......an' even the neighbors woulda' knocked louder then that....it was too weird...she wasn't gonna go to the door..maybe they'll get the message an' go away.

Then....a lil' while later......the door bell rings...twice! I don't even wait for her response....I roar!!!, an' head towards the front door. Mom's right behind me.

All she can see is someone right at the door w/a black jacket an' cap.....she grabs my collar....an' opens the door.

Mom can tell by just feelin' me next to her, that I'm coiled up ready to take care of business. I'm not makin' a sound, but I'm not lookin' at this guy w/any kind of friendly curiosity....I'm lookin' at him to plan exactly where my mouth is gonna go. I'm guessin' that look was read correctly by the bearded strange guy at the door. He jumped back about 15 feet w/his hands up in the air. Mom just said, "NO!" as he tried to mutter out somethin' about just "tryin' to make a livin'" & wantin' to "cut limbs for $90"...then slammed an' locked the door.

I ran to the kitchen window...again w/mom right behind me. We watched as he walked to the other side of our driveway. He had it parked where mom couldn't see it. Then he backed down to in front of the house two yards down...an' sat there. We think he was either makin' notes or someone else got in from where ever they were. Then they drove off slowly down the street.

Mom's thinkin' that they were checkin' out houses to see who wasn't home....or some kind of racket.

At least now they know not to mess w/our house.

Mom says, AHS is worth it's weight in gold. She likes that I don't get all crazy at the door. I say it's always better not to threaten someone.....just look 'em in the eye an' give 'em a promise....if you know what I mean.