For Adults Only...

This is so wrong on so many levels.  I think some of those chemicals got to mom's brain yesterday when she got her hair done.

First off, everytime mom has gone to the store..like forever...she's been makin' snarky comments on the cereals they have on the shelf.  Sayin' they are full of chemicals an' sugar...an' what are they thinkin' to put candy in a breakfast cereal for kids?  She's been sayin' they're crazy.   So, what does she do?  She comes home w/this.....cereal w/chocolate!  Her excuse(s).....she's "an adult...an' bein' able to make these choices is somethin' she promised herself when she was a kid".  Ok...an' then she said they should have an "adult only" section in the cereal aisle....she still don't think it's appropriate for lil' kids.  An' besides, it's "chocolate an' it just hypnotized her into takin' it home".   On top of everything else, she bought a second box for someone else, just so she had company in the "self indulgent/guilt room".

She's tried it, she likes it...an' says it's not really like eatin' a candy bar...it's not really sweet.   An' the chocolate is dark chocolate an' that's s'posed to be good for you.
Well, personally..that brings me to the second reason it's so wrong.  Part of my contract includes any an' all left over/extra cereal milk.  Now...'cause it's "chocolate"...I don't get any.
Mom...you need to be strong...stick to your convictions an' don't succumb to the corporate temptations.   Think about it....who do you really think is their target shopper?  Hmmmm?

No, we did not play Tug a War w/a Rat

Wow..you shoulda been here!  It was just awesome....a perfectly executed AHS job...just perfect.  An' surprise surprise, dad got to assist.  On top of that, he did a great job, too.  He an' mom were sittin' on the deck readin', when Lexie an' I noticed we had a breach.  There was somethin' under that cement thingee that the drain from the roof hangs over.
 Dad noticed that we both were givin' it some serious attention...snortin' an' sniffin' an' pawin' at it.  It's heavy, so that pawin' at it tryin' to move it wasn't workin'...we were startin' to proceed w/plan B...diggin'. So, at that point (w/mom encouragin' him), he got up an' decided to help us out  (mom says more than likely to keep us from doin' some excavation).  We got in position...Lexie at the top, me at the side, an' dad at the back.  Mom stayin' on the deck, 'cause she knew what was comin'.
Dad lifted the end of that thing....Lexie an' I both dartin' in there ...that rat tried to run b'tween us.  We both grabbed an' crunched at the same time.
 Now this is where mom started to get involved.  An' I can understand her concern.  She says it was like time slowed down.  She saw that both of us had that rat in our mouths at the same time.  Each of us had an end, an' all she could think of was us  (WARNIN'..YOU MAY WANT TO SKIPP THE NEXT LIL' PART) havin' a tug a war w/that rat...an' things gettin' messy...an' gross.  An' two other things...she wasn't cleanin' it up an' there weren't gonna be any kisses from us for a loooonnnnggg time.  Not to worry though.  There was that split second when we had grabbed it at the same time an' crunched it.  An' Lexie did want to take off w/it....but as soon as I realized that we had succeeded in what we needed to do...well, I let her have it.  (an' contrary to what dad says, it's not 'cause I realized I had the tail end, either)   Lexie just puts all varmits in  the possum category...she likes to keep an eye on 'em for a few minutes to make sure they don't get up an' try to escape. B'tween her an' mom...it's happened.  Anyway, after a few minutes of mom an' dad followin' her around...Lexie traded it for a lil' sausage...an' dad got the honors of "takin' care of it".
Lexie an' I have been on a high all night...reenactin'  the whole thing w/pillows, stuffies, an' dad's shavin' wash cloth.  Mom keeps askin' us why we don't go play an' roughhouse outside were there's lots of room...well, the answer is simple....there's no audience out there....

Cap'n American...maybe.....

Well, mom was lookin' at new collars for me an' Lexie.  She'd narrowed mine down to a "Justice league" or " Captain America" one.  She hasn't decided, but now....she's rethinkin' both of 'em.  Why?   I don't know....she thinks she needs to find a 'villain" one.  Really?  I swear that when I got up in dad's chair an' took that last piece of cinnnnammmon bagel w/creamy cheese off his c'mputer table, then jumped down an' took it to my bed for savorin'...that he was finished w/it an' had left it there for me....really!  That's my story an' I'm stickin' to it!!!

"SOCIAL" as in "OFFICE" doesn't mean "FUN"

Yesterday,   Mom went to the place where she said all the old peoples, broken peoples, & peoples that want/need go to sign up for stuff.  She said she's ignored all the phone calls an' has probably filled up ten trash bags w/all the unwanted mail from people wantin her to go here or there or sign up for somethin' called medicare.  (She has been tempted to fill some of 'em out w/my name...but decided it would be too much trouble an' she'd never get rid of the salesmens).  Anyway, since she's procrastinated for so long, dad told her she better go since she's gonna be really "OLD" in about a month an' those official peoples might not like her not doin' it in time.  So...off she goes w/her purse full of documentation that dad said he had to have. Not havin' ever been to the Social Security Office, she went early armed w/her kindle w/a trash novel on it figurin' that it's a government agency, so she'd be waitin'.  She said she don''t know why they call it by that name, it's not a fun or social place at all.  When she walked inside, there was a big room w/bunches an' bunches of those metal foldin' chairs full of peoples.   Along the far wall was lil' windows w/peoples helpin' other peoples.   She said she saw a line in front of a computer monitor...no other information...but she figured it had to have somethin' to do w/lettin'  "them" know she was there.  That was a wait in itself.  Finally, it was her turn...she selected "English", put in her SS #, then her birthdate, hit "end"...an' a lil piece of paper spit out w/the number...101.

Clutchin' that lil' piece of paper, she found a seat in one of them "not comfy" chairs, somewheres on about the 20th row.  She did a lil' people watchin'....'cause there were some characters an' all kinds.  Some made her wonder...like the people that brought lil' kids (there's no tv, brochures, signs, nada...just yellow painted walls & those grey metal chairs an' wall to wall people).  She looked again at that lil' paper...it still said "101"...an' they just called #15.

Mom lost track of the time, while enjoyin' her trashy novel.  Dad said that the size of her font probably made it possible for several people to enjoy it as well. (She says it's that size in case she don't feel like wearin' her glasses or contacts...& if she is..it works just as well).  Finally, the called her to window #4....the man had all her information in front of him...& asked her if she was signin' up for just medicare A or B or both....she said just A.  He then told her that they close at noon on Wed., an' they aren't allowed to take applications for medicare after 11 am.  (Just imagine mom's eyes startin' to squint an' lil' trails of smoke leakin' outa her ears).  She said that he musta' noticed, 'cause he really quick like, pulled up the offical site on his c'mputer an' faced the monitor towards her.  Then he showed her what to click on to apply online...easy peasy.  She felt a lil' better after that, but decided to make use of a live person, an' asked him about gettin' some money outa them for all the years she worked.  He was still tryin' to make mom happy, so he went a printed out a thing that showed how much she could get now or in the future.  Then he showed her that she could do that online as well...again, easy peasy.

So...she figures they don't want her to come back down there...which is ok w/her.  The people, the chairs, the walls, the people..omg..the people...just not her thing.  She does still have a few questions...why did dad have to have so much documentation?  He had to go back a second time w/birth certificates of both his mom an' dad.  Mom never even had to show an ID, an' when she filled it out online it was super easy, an' even takes an' electronic signature.  No mailin' anythin' in.  Last question...why don't more people do it online...an' those that don't...why don't they have a trashy novel or somethin' to read? Surely, everybody in there knew there was gonna be a wait.  What kind of person is ok w/just sittin' an starin' at yellow walls?

Does it bother her to be about to turn "OLD"?  Not at all, she' lookin' forward to more discounts at places.  As for me...she's just the same ol' mom, the one that tries to help us when we've got a situation.  Like this mornin'..we were sure there was somethin' in those tires, dad had stacked up.  They were way too heavy for us to move & diggin' under 'em wasn't really effective.  Mom came over an' moved one of 'em a lil'.  We were right...there was a mouse in there!  An' you shoulda' seen how fast mom moved as it ran across her foot....just like a youngster...so was the squeal...lol

Proof We're Always on the Job

AHS Official Report......May 14, sometime in the afternoon of all times.....Mom an' dad left to go 'who knows where" leavin' us to "guard".  Oh, I'm pretty sure they think we just sleep an' goof off while they're away.   We take our responsibilities seriously, an' since we're in charge of our operation, it's not like we actually need 'em here.  (As you know, they sometimes get in the way.).  So, to be proactive an' make sure they know that we're on the job, we decided to present a lil' tableau of showin' our prowess at security an' "guardin'".  (Not to mention that we did expect some kind of bonus)
They finally came home.  Then mom checked her phone.  She had missed a call, so she grabbed the phone an' walked outside w/us.  She went an' sat down on the deck to the left.  We were waitin' an' watchin'.  Sometimes she's clueless an' obviously blind, but we're patient...we know she'll snap to it sooner or later. Sure 'nuff, she finally turned around to take the phone back in the house....that's when she made one of them really funny noises.   Lexie went right over an' pointed out the body an' was telllin' mom alll about it.  I did a double check on it, just to show mom that we finally got that grandfather of all possums...in broad daylite no less.  (It was me, actually, there's no way I'd let Lexie tangle w/one that big...plus I had to drag it off the fence).   An'....I didn't let Lexie take it into the house, but did approve of her takin' it up to the house to present as evidence of a job well done.  (Mom appreciated that)|
After her initial heart attack feelin' shock, she told us we did good an' to go in the house for a treat!  Woo hoo....I knew we'd get a reward!  Even Lexie was excited an' went in the house.  Of course we knew mom was gonna lock us in, an' get rid of the evidence...but that's ok...we'd been keepin' an eye on it for the hours she was gone an' were bored w/it.  She went an' got dad.  He an' the neighbor came an' took it away...they were even amazed at how big it was.
We've been on a high the rest of the day...enactin' the capture w/our stuffies over an' over.   That an' lots of bitey face an' chasin'...all in the livin' room.  We just can't seem to tire of the story of the hunt an' capture.  I think mom's a lil' over it, though...she's given us another chew (score!!).

Squash Leaf Thief

Had another mystery solved for mom.  It wasn't very hard, it's like she wakes up in a new world sometimes, just plumb forgettin' the past.  It's either that, or she keeps doin' the same thing  w/the same factors in place an' figurin' there'll be a different outcome for some reason.  See...she has this big round planter w/some lil' squash plants in it. It's one of two she planted.  The other one is doin' good.  It's got big plants w/blooms on it.  The ones in the round planter are kinda puny an' some of the leaves looked like somethin' was eatin' on it.  So, mom thought it was gettin' too much shade an' moved it to another place.  I sniffed all around where it had been, then checked it out in the new place.  It looked fine to me.
Later, mom & I was on the deck.  She was talkin' on the phone, when I noticed the culprit....Lexie.  She was right over there at that big round pot chompin' away on them squash leaves.  In fact, she was slowly walkin' around in a circle makin' sure she sampled each plant.  Then mom noticed her, too.
Mom sure wanted to yell, "NO!!!!!!", at Lexie, but she couldn't 'cause she was on the phone.  Mom poked me on my back, I looked at her an' she was furiously pointin' at Lexie, the squash leaf thief (try sayin' that 5 times fast).  She didn't have to poke me twice.  I launched myself off that deck an' straight at Lexie.  I knew what I had to do...divert.  I gave her a big push an' then took off across the yard w/her zoomin' right on my tail.  After two circles around the fig tree an' grape arbor, we had a grand wrastlin' bitey face.  By then, Lexie was ready for a dip in her pond....all thoughts of her squash leaf salad bar outa her mind.  I went back to the deck to let mom know I took care of it.  She gave me a big pat on the back, an' as soon as she was off the phone I followed her in the kitchen where she gave me a big bacon chew.
You see, I totally understand my responsiblilites....gotta keep mom happy, but gotta take care of my staff, too.

In the Dark...in the Rain

I'm even amazed...don't know how she did it, but she did..in the dark...in the rain..in the water.  We've been under a massive storm an' flood watch all evenin'.  We had wind, super heavy rains, booms and lightning...an' on top of all that, the power kept goin' out.  The street was flooded an' it was even over the sidewalk in front.  The back looks like a swamp.  The rains stopped to a lil' sprinklin' a lil' while ago...an' me an' Lexie had to "go".  So, mom let us out w/the "come right back" instruction.  She didn't have to tell me twice...I did what I had to do an' "came right back" an' insisted on bein' toweled off.  Lexie was a 'no show".  So, mom had to go call her...an' call her....finally, Lexie comes trottin'  up, then kinda slows down when she see's mom standin' at the door.  Mom recognizes that special slow walk of Lexies an' just waits.  I'm waitin', too...to see how mom's gonna handle this one, lol.
Lexie comes right up to mom with muddy paws (backyard is a swamp, remember) and bird feet hangin' outa one side of her mouth an' a wing an' head outa the other. She wants to bring it in the house.  Mom's sayin', "no way".  Mom's standin' there, Lexie's sittin' in front of her w/that bird in her mouth..both at a stalemate. Then mom tells dad to get a chew, hopin' to make a trade.  Dad brings one of them pupperoni stix, an' sure 'nuff Lexie goes to grab it droppin' her bird.  Between her chompin' down on that stix, droppin' the bird, mom grabbin' her collar...it wasn't but a blink before Lexie found herself in the house w/the backdoor closed with out her bird.  
Then mom realized that there was now a bird layin' right on the other side of that closed door.   Dad looked at her an' said he was barefooted an' wasn't goin' out there.  Mom didn't want it by the backdoor.  So....as with most things like this..she's out traipsin' in the dark, in the water, in the rain disposin' of somethin' an' still wonderin' how in the world Lexie found it in the first place.
Earlier, mom was readin' up on Barn Hunts.  She's decided that we might have fun doin' that...an' just maybe be pretty good at it.  An enclosed area, dry, daylite an' w/a rat...piece of cake, lol.