My Nose!

Mom....I'm turnin' in an official accident report. Well, more like a workman's comp report.
 No...it didn't happen here. Actually, it happened on our walk yesterday. I think that should still count. Remember when we were walkin' by that nutcase dog that lives on the corner? He & his yard buddy charged the fence & tried to get Lexie? I made her get out of the way & was gonna take care of him? We were havin' a slight altercation at that hole he made in his fence, before you made me "leave it" & just sit & think about it for a minute. Then we moved on. 
Wellllll....just look at my nose! It's drivin' me crazy..my tongue has been goin' non stop lickin' it, now look at it! I've got a pink scratch, right down the right side of it. 

Oh..I know the first think you're gonna say, "I told you so! & to leave those rude dogs alone & stay away from holes in fences"..I know, I know, I know...but still...sometimes, you gotta understand...airedales don't back down from nothin'. He started it! I wanna file a complaint or somethin'....in the meantime..can I borrow your black marker?

The Lost Camera

You know..Lexie was braggin' just yesterday, that we haven't managed to break our mom, yet. Well, we may be close. She lost her camera. Now, you have to understand, she hasn't been even outside alll day, much less gone anywhere. She looked all over..every room, under & in chairs the bed...even the pantry & (can't believe I'm saying this..the freezer & refrigerator). Dad had put some clothes in the wash...& yep, she even stopped it & checked there. Me & Lexie followed her around the first & even the second tour around the house...then we got bored. It was kinda interesting when she went thru the 2 big bags of garbage, we watched that...just in case she found somethin' interesting. All of a sudden...she's just standin' in the middle of the kitchen, w/her hands on her hips & is givin' Lexie the "eye". Lexie is just layin' there, lookin' normal w/that goofy grin on her face. Next thing we know, mom is walkin' the backyard..not once but twice. No camera. She comes back inside, goes to the desk..& is about to start allll over again. We followed her back inside & to her desk. Dad told mom to take a break...it's here somewhere. Mom's tired & frustrated..she picks up her old camera & shows it to Lexie. Lexie sniffs it, & then mom tells her to "find". Dad just starts laughin'. Mom tells him..."I'm desperate & it's worth a shot". Lexie is sniffin' all over the place..movin' pillows on the couch, lookin' behind our beds...her nose is goin' into overdrive. I'm watchin' this & thinkin'...she don't even know what she's lookin' for...but she sure is doin' a good job of lookin'. Mom bends over to pick up one of our toys, & guess what? There's her camera..sittin' on a stack of magazines, right by her desk! In the meantime...Lexie is still lookin'. Now, mom feels bad...first for thinkin' Lexie had stole it...second, for puttin' Lexie on a search for ??. So, she calls us both to her & tells us to go "hide our eyes w/dad in the bedroom:. We go in there w/dad, & he closes the door. In a few minutes, she opens it, lets us smell her hands & tells us both to "find". Wow!! She hid cheesy balls & liver jerky!! It was so much fun!! So, everything turned out ok..we're happy, we got to play a game & got treats. Mom's happy she found her camera...but she says there's still somethin' missin'...her mind. (Note to Mom: if you want..we'll help you "find" it ).

A New Threat in the House

Lexie's following procedure. There is an immediate threat in the house. She grabbed, what she considered valuable, mom's pillow & is taking it to safety. I'm containin' the threat.....

I'm runnin' interference..."Lexie...I've got this!". I just can't believe mom would bring this in our house. That other one, finally died...& now, here's another one! Believe you me...he knows just who's boss around here.. (I could kill it, if I wanted...& if mom wasn't protecting it.).

Oh, it's a lil' quieter, than that other one...but it don't fool me. I've seen what these noisy, rollin' suckin' up machines can do. You cannot trust 'em & don't turn your back on 'em either. Be prepared, like Lexie, to grab your valuables & head for the hills if it starts after you...GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Big Brother & Fried Okra

ya know by now, what a drama queen Lexie is. I was watchin't the neighborhood, from my front window...nice & quiet...mindin' my own business. Mom & dad were watchin' tv, they'd just finsihed supper. All of a sudden...Lexie starts soundin' off from the kitchen. Then she comes runnin' into my space, 'causing a racket & runs back to the kitchen. I'm thinkin'..."what the !?"  I didn't see anythin'...but just in case I go see what's goin' on. She stops in the doorway to the kitchen & starts makin' all kinds of alarmin' sounds...well...I just talk right back at her. Then she does that bowin' & jumpin' & yappin'...I'm talkin' right back..like.."Lexie, what do you want?".  She goes to the counter & then back to me....
"oh...now I get it"...there's a plate up there & she wants me to get it.
Uh uh..no way...this is your deal, Lexie..& I tell her so.
She's really in a hi frustrated state, now. She thought I'd get it for her...did I mention not only are we in direct line of sight of mom & dad, but so is that plate of fried okra.

She's back talkin', pleadin', demandin'...I'm still not gonna do it. I sit right down & tell her so. I figure, that there only three possible results here. Either she figures out how to steal some or all of it, mom or dad gives in, or she'll give up. All scenerios work for me. I didn't have any before, so if I don't get any, it's all good. Since, I'm just sitting here, I'm innocent of any theivery, if they give her some...I'll get some..So, I'm good, right here...I tell her so. 

Lexie races to dad & bounces off him & then back to the kitchen. He actually follows her. She's jumpin' up on him, spinnin' around, makin' all kinds of racket. (I'm still just sittin' there watchin' the action'). Mom tells dad to tell her, "show me". He does. Lexie grabs his hand, lets go, then jumps up on the counter, where that plate is. Then she sits right in front of it. (Lol..I've taught her well).  He laughs & gives her a couple of pieces...and then..wait for it...he comes over & gives me some, too.  See...the moral of this story?  It's always good to have an assistant...reap the fruit of their labor w/out any of the risk. I love bein' Big Brother. 

Chews & ill gotten goods

First mom gave us some smoked venison bones, we got at the dog show. They were really good...but next thing we knew, she was pickin' up all the pieces & even takin' 'em out our mouths. Mom didn't like all the pieces, she said they looked too sharp. (She sent them a nasty email about 'em, too!). Then she gave us one of those Pig skin sticks. They crumble up, & I guess they are on the "mom's approved list". Well, that's just fine & dandy...but I don't like 'em. Lexie can crunch 'em up in not time at all. So, Lexie got one, & mom went back to "the closet" & gave me one of those big white rawhide chews (again 'mom approved"). We were pretty well, satisfied...for now. That lasted about 5 minutes. Me w/my rawhide & Lexie w/her chew, but now, Lexie don't have her chew anymore. She's done chewed it up! She wants my rawhide. Nope, not gonna happen. To keep her quiet, mom gives her a carrot. Lexie takes it & alls quiet, again. Then mom starts cookin'...both her & dad are in the kitchen. I get up, just to see what's going on. Lexie is layin' down on the other side of the kitchen munchin' on her carrot. Mom opens the fridge, gets somethin' out, closes the fridge & starts laughin'. Just that fast, & in the exact same spot..as if she hadn't moved...is Lexie w/my rawhide (that was on the other side of the room). It's like magic. I was not happy. I left that on my bed! Mom decides that's just not really fair, so she goes back in "the closet" & get me one of the special bacon Christmas chews. You shoulda seen Lexie. Now, she wants me to trade...my old white rawhide, that she stole, for my new special one. Nope, not gonna happen! I even laid down close to her, so she could watch me chew on it. She hopped around, barkin', & even threw that rawhide at me...tryin' to get me to trade. Then she picked it up, went to dad, showed it to him & then went back to me...like to say that was mine & she should get the new one. Nope! He didn't fall for it...she wanted it, stole it...& now she's stuck w/it!

Just Don't go out In the Rain....

Mom didn't make it back from the store, before the storm hit. While she was gone, Lexie was out huntin' "that man that makes the boomin' sound". She just won't give up on that. It was pourin' down rain so hard, you could hardly see...and there she was, standin' half in & half out of her doggy door, usin' it like a flat umbrella. As soon as she heard a loud clap of thunder, she tries to sneak across the patio (remember it's pourin"), lookin' this way & that toward the back...probably the fig tree. (I really don't know, I've got enough sense to stay in outa the rain.) In the meantime, mom is still outa pocket, & dad comes home, wonderin' where everyone is. Lexie heard dad's truck, so she comes in lookin' like a big curly red & black soaked rat. It's still pourin' rain. The street is starting to flood...& here comes mom. Dad wades out w/an umbrella. Mom is tryin' to get her bags of groceries outa the car, & dad helps. When she came in, she matched Lexie in the drowned rat look. Her hair was so wet, it was drippin' all over her face, & her clothes were stuck to her.  She was leavin' puddles on the floor....(not us for a change).  Lexie & I were so worried...we never see her in this condition. She went straight to her bathroom to change clothes. I followed her right in there, &  stood up on the edge of the bathtub & made her let me check her out all over...even if she was drippin'. She was ok...but her new box of crackers fell apart. She wasn't happy about that. That's ok, we were glad to help clean them up. Now, what have we learned here? When it's rainin'...stay inside & stay dry. If you're gonna go out, don't take crackers in a paper box. An' Lexie, someone needs to explain the truth about the fact that there is no "boomin' man"...give it up & stay inside (& stop comin' in all wet & layin' on my bed.)