Mop Brat

I was stunned!  Stunned, I tell you!  There I was just loungin' up in my tower...watchin' the people goin' off to work in the neighborhood.   I was waitin' on that gang of thieves that make their way around in that big truck stealin' everybody's bags of stuff.   Then...all of a sudden, some lil' mop haired dog comes strollin' down the middle of the street, just as pretty as you please (actually, he was kinda dingy & dirty lookin' as if he had been used to mop up somethin').  I stood up in my big loungin' bed in alert mode.  He came closer an' closer to my house.  All of a sudden, he made a beeline for those bags mom had put out.  I couldn't believe it!  He had his head stuck between those bags with just his tail stickin' out as he checked 'em out. Of course I had to let him have it!   He musta' taken my warnin' as serious, 'cause he decided not to tear into them an' steal somethin'.  But talk about a lil' brat...he turned around an' peed on those bags, then headed down to our neighbors bags to check them out.  All I can say is, he's lucky I'm up here an' he's off down there somewheres.  (But I sure wish I could go down there an' at least erase his markin', it sure irks me that other canines'll think that stuff belong to that mutt).

Not exactly Musical Beds, but close.....

Ok....let me begin by tellin' you that it didn't go quite like I planned, but it worked out.

You see, it's been a lil' cooler, lately, an' Lexie an I have been havin' a lot more rousin' games of biteyface an' chase outside.  Between that an' all the crazy squirrel activity we've actually cut back on our late nite patrols an' started goin' to bed a lil' earlier.  (Mom doesn't believe that's gonna last...not sure why).

Now when I said "goin' to bed"...that was just an expression...not designatin' that we went to "our" beds.  Lexie's been passin' out in dad's chair or on the floor by the back door.  Me?...well, that's where the story begins.

Dad gets up super early, so he goes to bed super early.  He said goodnite to mom as he was retirin' for the nite.  Then he came back out an' told her that I was in his spot..an' stretched out on his pillow.  She told him to make me move.  (I can magically make myself weigh as much as a ton of concrete when I want to)

Anyway, he musta tried...'cause when mom came to bed....dad was in her spot...stretched out on her pillow!   I was still stretched out on his side...on his pillow.   I could actually feel her get that squinty eye look...an' I did hear this "uh uh uh...not gonna work"  accompanied by a click of her camera for evidence to be used in the future.
So, naturally, I did what I need to do....make the best of the situation.   I rolled over an' smiled.   As she got into bed, I snuggled up an' spooned against the back of her legs.
All's well that ends well, I s'pose.....have to admit, though...we had loads more room once dad got up an' went to work....just sayin'.....

One in Paw is Worth.......

Geeezzz.....first it was a sweet tator chip....<nope, I don't want that...snub>, mom puts it into my food bowl an' I watch Lexie eat it (she's like a garbage disposal...I swear she doesn't have a taste bud in her),

Next it was one of them "dog" treats...<are you kiddin', I didn't like 'em when you opened the package...snub>

Mom just stands there starin' at me...I stare back.....Lexie is hoverin' off to the side liftin' one paw an' the next hopin' she's gonna score  the next thing I snub.....
I know there's waffles, punkin' oreos, an' even dad's poppytarts  (not "farts" people..."tarts").   Then mom gets that squinty eye look....I sigh....but try to keep my composure.....after all you have to learn to pick your battles.  She goes back in that jar an' pulls out another one of them sweet tator chips an' holds it out to me.  I go ahead an' take it (they are pretty good actually w/ the cinnnnnammmonnnn on 'em).  Lexie follows me in case I'm just humori' mom, but I go ahead an' eat it.  After all a sweet tator chip in paw is worth two waffles that are goin' back in the freezer for another day. An' it's always good to boost mom's ego an' morale, that way they think they are actually in charge....lol

Subtrefuge...or not......

Dad said he's not talkin' to me.  I certainly don't hold any grudges, even gave him a classic head in the crotch nose poke.  Nada.  Well, ok..then.  I can take a hint, if he wants to sulk, it's not my fault.
I thought we had settled this type of situation long ago.  Don't know why he's all of a sudden actin' like it's somethin' new. Yes, it's true I woke him up early to go outside.  An' he got up an' let me out.  Then I guess he decided to take advantage an' visit the bathroom before goin' back to bed.

This is when it happened.  There was no vacancy in the bed.  he said it was like magic.  I was all stretched out on his side of the bed, w/my head on his pillow.  He coulda swore I was outside.  As he stood there w/his hands on his hips tellin' me to move,  I rolled my head over to point out that mom was still snoozin'...an' that means noone, "NO ONE" disturbs her.  Then gave him a pointed look an' plopped my head back down on the now,  "my pillow".   Besides, the mornin' snooze in bed w/mom is my time.  He abandoned his spot.  It's not like I'm gonna go seek him out an' ask if he's plannin' on comin' back to bed.  He finally took the hint an' left.
Not only is he sulkin', but he actually accused me of lurin' him outa that bed w/a false "I need to go out", just to get him outa bed so I could take his spot.

Well....maybe......

Palm Tree Security Check....

Hmmm.....haven't checked this since yesterday.....there's no tellin' what's hidin' up there.......even mom checks this. Ya remember the snake incident a couple of years ago?  That snake was first spotted by mom right here.  She likes to go to this lil' path to look at her fish....that one mornin', she turned her head an' was eyeball to eye ball w/that big snake.... (She still swears she could feel her hair turnin' white)...after a collected gasp of surprise from both parties...he went one way an' she went the other in the matter of a split second.  She yelled for me an' pointed..of course I didn't see anythin'.  She went back an' looked to make sure it was gone.  I followed it's retreat route to under the neighbor's fence where it had escaped.  He tried to infiltrate our yard a couple more times that week, scarin' the begeebees outa mom each time.  Lexie even tried to get him...but like always, mom's interference led to his escape..again.  (There was somethin' about it slitherin' & wriggilin' all over Lexie's head while she was tryin' to dispatch it that mom couldn't take..but that's a whole 'nother story).  I finally had to take care of the situation myself...since then we haven't had another one in our yard.  But I always do a security check just to give mom peace of mind.  She seems to appreciate it.  I only hope that the cost of that hair dye she's savin' goes to my treat fund.

CRASH...BANG....CLATTER... What's the matter?

CRASH...BANG....CLATTER... What's the matter?
 Lexie ran outa the kitchen like somethin' was after her, then turned right around an' went back in that kitchen barkin' like she was gettin' somethin'.   Mom an' I ran in to see what was goin' on...dad even got up outa bed to check out what all the noise was about.....
What'd we find?  Lexie still in a high alert, the kitchen floor covered in kibble an' broken crockery.  Now, that all the crashin' had quit, all that was left was examin' the evidence an' maybe doin' a lil' tastin'.   At that point, Lexie an' I were then shoooed outa the kitchen, while mom got the broom an' swept up all the kibble an' broken pieces of our "now former" food dishes.  
It's quite upsetting to see your food dish that you've had forever unceremoniously dumped in that trash bin....along w/your food. Lexie looked especially sad an' kept circlin' mom, the trash bin, an' the place where her food bowl used to be.
Mom gave her a hug an' told her it'd be ok, Then she got out a couple of her mixin' bowls an' said we could use them till she gets a chance to get us some new ones.  An' then gave us a couple of sausages.  (That makes everything alright in our book)
How did it happen?....well, Lexie's tags, that's how.  Our food bowls are on a stand an' somehow, her tags snagged that stand an' when she tried to get 'em loose, everythin' went topsy turvy an' those bowls hit that kitchen tile an' kinda exploded.  Lexie thought somethin' was after her.  Gotta give her credit, though, as soon as she figured out nothin' had ahold of her, she turned right back an' was gonna "get it".  
This isn't her first time to cause some kind of commotion w/ her tags in the kitchen.   Wish we had a video of the time when she was a pup an' was "prewashin'" the dishes in the dishwasher an' snagged her tags on the rack.  You shoulda seen her tearin' outa the kitchen w/that entire rack of dishes right behind her.   Silverware landed all over the place.  Now, that really made a loud clatter!
You'd think a loud disaster like this would scar us....make us avoid any situation where this may occur again.  Nope....Lexie still "prewashes"....an' there's no way anythin' s gonna make us avoid the kitchen or our food bowls.  Besides...there's always mom....can't tell you how many times she's dropped stuff in the kitchen  an' it sounded like a bomb.  Which is why we're probably not afraid of loud booms or bangs...lol.

Out on a Limb

AHS Official Report: Lexie (COO), was out doin' a quick patrol before dad came home from a late nite at work. I was inside w/mom waitin' for him. When he came home, it seemed unusual for Lexie to not be there to greet him. She's usually the first one at the door, an' I know she heard the car. Mom was even a lil' concerned. The backyard was awfully quiet, too.

Mom opened the backdoor an' called her, even tellin' her that her "daddy was home". Still nothin'. Then mom got out her big lite.....we both saw Lexie about the same time. The movin' of the tree limbs by the greenhouse was the tell tell sign, she was after somethin' or had somethin'.

I took off runnin' in case she needed backup...mom followed at a much slower pace since it was dark. 

As mom approached that tree, I was on one side an' Lexie was on the other...there was a lot of movement then somethin' raced up the trunk. Lexie an' I were both jumpin' as high as we could....mom wasn't comin' too close (she's still not likin' gettin' under tree limbs at nite w/just a lite an' havin' some critter lookin' down on her). She did shine that lite up the tree an found what we was after literally out on a limb....a long skinny lil' limb. Mom said she'd never seen a possum move that fast, at first she thought it was a cat, till she shined that lite on it.

That possum was so heavy that even mom was surprised it could stay on that limb w/it dippin' w/it's weight like that. It was obviously aware of it's precarious predictament. We could tell when it turned around that it was weighin' it's options of comin' back an' tryin' to face us or at least find a thicker branch. We weren't havin' it. An' believe you me....we were serious about issuin' tresspass warnin's only once. It finally settled down an' was tryin' to wait out that branch not breakin' an' us givin' up. Lexie an' I weren't givin' up....we could do this allllll nite long. Mom was gettin' kinda antsy, an' declared she wasn't stayin' out there. ( I keep wonderin' about her commitment to AHS)

Mom got a lil' closer. Then she took on of her long stakes outa her deceased t'mater plants that succombed to the heat an' drought. Lexie an' I got excited....we knew mom was gonna go into action...we were ready. Mom took that long stick, gave that possum a couple of whacks (r'member it was a skinny lil' branch, so it didn't take much) an' it dropped w/a big "thud".

Lexie an' I both hit that fence w/a big "NOOOOOOO".....mom had knocked it off that branch alright....right smack in the neighbor's backyard, on the other side of our solid 6' fence, clear outa sight an' more important...clear outa our reach. We were disgusted...still excited about the chase part...but not at all happy w/the outcome.

After mom declared it was "gone"...well, "duh".....we all went back inside. We were still runnin' on "high" an' hit our water bowls hard. Mom had to refill them twice, of course she complained we'd have had plenty if we hadn't gotten most of it all over the kitchen floor. All I have to say, is that w/any professional athlete...after a hard game....w/all the adrenalin....it takes a lil' while to come down. An' besides, now since she mopped the floor, it's all clean, now.      :)