Push Button at Your own Risk

He can't say he wasn't warned!...that salesman went ahead an' pushed that button anyways.   Don' know why he acted surprised when I appeared at the kitchen window an' hollared at him to back away from the front door.   Lexie was on the other side of the front door tellin' him the same thing.  Bozo (that blue an' gold chikin') was peepin' thru the window wavin' his wings in encouragement.   Mom was watchin' from the safety of the livin' rooman' an was lettin' us handle the situation)   (she don't like to talk to random salesmen.  She said if she did, she woulda' put one up that said, "press here to get someone that wants to buy what you're sellin'").
He got the message an' backed up even w/the kitchen window....an' me.   I looked him in the eye an' gave him another warnin' just for good measure.  Then we all waited to see what he'd do.  Me at the front window, Lexie sniffin' at the front door, an' Bozo peekin' thru the front window. The salesman...just stood there lookin' at me an' then lookin' at the front door with hope against hope that some"body" was gonna open it.  (as if!)
That salesman stood there for a few minutes before he gave up an' started off on his way to somebody else's house.   As he walked down the sidewalk, Bozo waved his wings an' hollared, "Bye!".  The salesman stopped an' started to turn around an' come back.  I had to give him another, "don't even think about it...just keep on goin'" warnin'.  He got the message an' left.
Mom was impressed with how we handled the entire thing an' gave us all rewards. An' I'm glad she got us this new fangled piece of equipment for AHS,  it works really well.  Like I said, they press that button at their own risk.

Tools

I really don't know why dad is surprised by what we do.  It's not like we just got here yesterday.

We're airedales.  We don't need someone to tell us what to do all the time.  No micro managin' here...well, except for us managin' the folks, but they're mostly clueless about that.  Anyway,  I was goin' thru our toy box an' found my lucky blue tennis ball. It's my fav...it's super bouncy.  Lexie an' I were havin' a great game of ball in the house, while mom an' dad were watchin' tv.  Then the inevitable happened.  That ball rolled right under that big thing that the tv is on.  I tried to catch it.

 Then I tried to pull it out w/my paw...hopin' it was right there at the edge.  Then I looked under there..an' it was way back against the wall.  There was no way I could get it.  I hollared at Lexie...she came an' looked...then she hollared at me to get it.  I hollared back at her that there was no way I could reach it.   We were both squated down looked under that thing, then  I told her we needed help.  She ran right over an' grabbed dad's arm an' was pullin' him outa his chair.  I was encouragin' her an' keepin' watch where my ball was, so dad would know where to look.

Dad had no choice but to come w/Lexie.  Then we were both tryin' to out talk each other tellin' him to get that ball.  I got down to look where it was, an' dad got down to look, too.  Then Lexie was tryin' to get in there to look.  Mom, for some reason, was laughin' too hard she was about to fall off the couch...somethin' about the floor show was better than anythin' on tv.

Then the real excitement happened.  Dad found another ball under there along w/my blue one.  When he brought those balls out from under there, Lexie an' I grabbed 'em so fast an' was gone, dad said it was like magic.  Then as he realized he was still sittin' on the floor an' we were gone,  He told mom that he though we'd be more grateful for his help.  She explained to him  not to take it personally, that we were just utilizin' our problem solvin' skills.  Sometimes we need extra "tools"..like thumbs or long arms.

(But to be honest about it....there's nobody we'd rather go to when we need help except mom or dad.)

Indognito

What a way to start out the week.  May have to go on the lam.   Mom says not to worry about it, but it's the "government"..."big brother"....who knows..squirrels, cats an' rats.  We've still got one of them land line phones w/a recorder on it.  Mom refuses to take a phone outback...she says that's not a place for tech stuff.  So, that phone takes messages.  Well, there was a message alright.  It was somebody sayin' the IRS is about to file a lawsuit against "ME"!  An' I needed to call some number right away to keep 'em from doin' it.  Mom wouldn't let me use the phone.  I've got to wonder if they finally found out that I was head of a big business.  Not sure how, it's not like I stockpile profits...we usually eat all profits an' wages here at AHS.  An' I'm sure not gonna send them any reports, heck I'm pretty sure they're on our list of non grata visitors anywho. Hmmm...maybe it was that new cat I saw skulkin' around the neighborhood last nite.  I knew he was up to no good, an' he did run off when I yelled at him from my tower.  

I've decided!  I'm not gonna give in to 'em.....they'll have to come get me, if they dare.   Let 'em just try to get any of my stuff.  I'll put Lexie in charge of guardin' our cookies an' treats...there's no way no how that anyone'll get past her.  I've got her in disguise, too....just in case. She's ready, too...especially as soon as she realized that her cookies are mixed up with my cookies.  Trust me, our cookies are now safer then if they were in Fort Knox.   (There may be a small problem w/embezzlement, but I'm not really worried about that)

 In the meantime, just to be safe.....I'll be doin' my patrols indognito.  You can never be too careful.

Ice is not all the same

MOM!  It's not the same!
........that's what I had to tell her.  OK...I admit it, I had a lil' revolt.  I tried to humor her, when she'd get up an' get me a bowl of ice an' put it in the kitchen.  You'd think she'd caught on, when I'd go get one piece at a time, bring it into the living room, an' chew it in front of her.  Then go back an' get another an' another.  Guess sarcasm is lost on her for some reason. Why after all this time she's startin' to object to stickin' her own hand in her glass of soda or sweet tea,  fishin' out some of that ice, an' feedin' it to me a couple of pieces at a time?  It's our thing! Besides plain ice tastes like..well, plain ice.   So, tonite...I decided enough is enough.  I glared at her...stared her down.....planted my paw on her leg, gave that glass a look then told her in one demandin' bark I wanted that ice, an' I wanted it now!  Oh, she tried to stare me down...but she couldn't do it.  I was serious...I wasn't gonna blink or grin...I was like stone.  Did she give in?  You betcha....she didn't have a choice.  At first, she gave me a piece....then when I demanded another (hey, I wasn't givin' in)....she got up...went into the kitchen, got my bowl, brought it into the livin' room.......an' poured all her ice an' what was left of her drink into that bowl.   It's not exactly the lesson I was tryin' to teach her...but she is a work in progress.  As she walked away, she told dad (who was laughin') that I just better not be wantin' her mornin' coffee.  Hmmmm...hadn't thought of that....but I do like her toast an' bacon.  :)

The Shoe

Well, mom...that'll teach you!  I admit that I stole your shoe, while you were watchin' tv.  I was just tryin' to get you up off that couch an' engage me in a lil' game of keep away (you) an' chase (me).  So..it's totally your fault.  When Lexie came strollin' in from outside, you told her to get your shoe from me.  Well, she did.  Then what did you expect her to do?  Bring it back to you? I really am ROTFL......  She took it to her bed an' proceeded to start takin' the insides outa it.  One thing she did accomplish though...was get you up off the couch.  Almost got a chase goin'...but she saw you comin' an' grabbed that shoe an' took off out her lil' door into the nite, leavin' you standin' there in the middle of the livin' room barefooted. An' FYI...standin' there yellin' "LEXIE, BRING BACK MY SHOE", with your hands on your hips didn't accomplish much.  She came back alright.  Poked her lil' head in her door w/that shoe in her mouth, saw you standin' there w/your hands on your hips...an' then backed right back out an' took off to who knows where. When you opened the backdoor, there was no sign of her or your shoe.
You tried to get me to go out there an' get her, since I was just standin' there w/a grin on my face.  But I'm not gettin' involved in this...it's all b'tween you an' Lexie, now.  You'd have your shoe, if you'd just played w/me.  So, I'm just gonna watch the show from the couch.
Good thing Lexie's predictable, an' you figured out how to get your shoe back w/out havin' to go out there w/a flashlite.  What's the magic word?  "COOKIE"!  Yep, you only had to say it once, an' Lexie came runnin' inside w/your shoe.   She dropped it halfway to the kitchen to get her "reward", all in one piece, too.  (Does the word "extortion" ring any bells?).   Oh...an' btw....don't forget to bring my "cookie" to me on the couch....remember I'm the good one.  Why are you muttering the word, "manipulators"?

Dodgin' the......

Wow...did I dodge a bullet.....well, needle.  Mom just noticed that I'm due for somekind of "anti frothin' at the mouth, burnin' up the brain goin' mad" vaccination.  She kinda forgot on purpose, 'cause she hates for us to get stuck.  But it's the law, so she don't have much choice.  Plus, we've got to be up to date to go to our resort this weekend.  So, she called my vet.  I noticed she was startin' to use "that voice"...ya know the one that is like yellin' but is kinda quiet, & every word is enunciated in a slow and deliberate way?  Then it desolved into her takin' names an' makin' notes. Lexie took her pillow outback to "look for squirrels".  I decided to follow her....big open spaces, just in case we got caught up in the fall out.  
It takes...2 minutes to give the vaccine, maybe 5 more for all the paperwork....I can have an appointment "where mom can be with me" (their words exactly on the 19th.  Or I can be dropped off at 7 am tomorrow to stay for who knows how long  (undetermined ...was their words).   This scenario is never gonna happen, they oughta' mark it on our records w/a big stamp "NOWAY/NOHOW".  Or I can go to another clinic that's associated w/them in a part of town that mom never sets foot in since she don't have a concealed handgun license (mom's words).
Armed w/her phone book....thinkin' she'd take me to a old vet friend who has his own private clinic (which she may still do...dependin' on her state of mind an' if she's able to cool down),she called our resort.   They know us an' told her that it was no problem.  Since I'm not a puppy, they understand how vaccines are still in our system an' not for mom to worry about it.  Oh, I'll still have to get it ...eventually, but at least it'll give mom time to work out her frustration before I do. At least I hope so, 'cause she can be scary when it involves us.    I'm pretty sure there's a rule that you should never upset people who are caregivers,  people who make/serve your food, or those that come at you w/pointy objects...especially if you're on the receivin' end.....

Size doesn't really matter.....

Since dad's out back mowin, it's almost as bad as that suckin' machine mom uses in the house...I think they are related...an' I pretty much hate them both.  I haven't tried takin' on that mower, but that sucker machine has some battle scars from me to think about.  It hasn't learned yet, though.  
Anyway, since me an' Lexie are coolin' off in the house till he's finished, I've been ponderin' on a few things.  There seems to be a breakdown on a couple of very simple rules...an' not just Airedale rules..but basic Terrier rules.
The first bein', that in multiple pup households, size don't matter.  I'm talkin' about treats. (you were thinkin' somethin' else, right?)  It's all in quantity an' fair play.   For instance,  you find yourself with a lil' tidbit an' just one of your furkids, an' you decide to "share".  Then the second one comes strollin' in.  You feel guilty an' "share" w/that one.  Well, the first one is still there.  You think there's a delimma, 'cause the first one is waitin' for another bit, an' that might seem unfair to you.  What do you do?  Depends...you can start a whole vicious circle till you run out of those tid bits w/the thoughts of "that one had 2, that one had 3, that's not fair that one..".well, you see where I'm goin' w/this.  The basic rule is, what you gave the one by itself that tidbit, doesn't count.   What counts is that if both of them are right there in front of you smilin', so you've got to give them EACH a treat.  It don't matter if the first one gets a lil' smaller piece, they won't care, but they both must get somethin'.  It's all in the since of fair play, an' that's what they expect an' count on.
Second....blame.   You can almost take this to the bank.  If you are gone an' then come back an' find somethin' amiss...say...exploded beds, trash can spillage, shredded..well, anythin', an' you find your pup(s) sleepin' peacefully or excited to see you.    If you didn't personally witness the perp in the act.....hey, it coulda' been cats or squirresl as far as I'm concerned.  An' you're just spinnin' your wheels an' your pup is wonderin' what they did wrong when you get upset w/'em.  "Cause it's a similar condition to that toggle switch we have that turns our ears off when we're "busy".  Left to our own devices, we sometimes succumb to a lack of impulse control an' find the need to vent.  Sometimes it's curiosity...boredom...or somethin' you've done to trigger it.  Once we get it outa our system...we're pretty much over an' done w/it an' have moved on.  Literally pushed the episode outa our minds.  So, when you bring up somethin' an' got your pants all bunched up...we really don't have a clue to what the heck you're talkin' about.  So, the next time you see that confused look....w/that "what are you ravin' about?"...you know why.  (Disclaimer...sometimes we know exactly why, but want you to figure out just what you've done to deserve it)

Glad I could help clear these things up.   Carry on........